My Blog

Eating too much makes more sense then not pulling my belly button into my spine. But then Jason says you can damage your back that way.  So I dont know.  Jason didn't understand the pulling your belly button towards your spine so I dropped it.  Just like when I mentioned muffin top, Jason did not understand that either. :'(  I'm going to stop mentioning anything to him as he does not understand anything that I say. :'( 

Ahh There is a tropical storm out there Beta.  KFDM says it's going to ride the coast and go to Houston and we (Beaumont) are going to get the dirty side of it.  And I thought that Jason was just triggering me.  I saw it on KFDM.com also.   I think I like to be in control of other things but my question is do I like to be in control of other people?  

I don't know how to put this but my anxiety medication I think is not working anymore.  :'(  Well whatever.  I don't want to be a burden to her when I say that my anxiety medication is not working.  So I guess I'm a burden to everyone.  :'(  I don't want to be a burden.   I have received an email from PayPal and it told me that I just paid $10.81 for an app called smule (a singing app).  I would never pay that much for a singing app.  That is kinda expensive.  I would however pay for meditations on insight timer or YouTube. I paid for Insight Timer once. I donated to a meditation teacher on Insight Timer once.   YouTube has a bunch of meditations.  If you pay $10.81 and remove the ads then you don't have to mess around with when you just click skip add.  It gets annoying when you have to stop in the middle of a meditation click (skip ad).   So I pay $10.81 about every 3 or 4 months.  Then it gets a...

I think I'm having an anxiety attack!  :'(  

I loved it living over there at Seville Apartments but people kept telling me what to do!  Even the manager, Marcy kept telling me what to do with my dog!  I hated her!  If I had just hung in there and went into the hospital for a week, and when I got out I would have been better.  That bitch would have left Seville Apartments.  According to Jason, Marcy left right after I moved out of there in 2012.   Everything will be fine over there now.  I didn't know how to make friends and people kept telling me to "stay home".  How am I to make friends with people if I stay home all the time?  I don't know how to make friends with people anyway as I don't know how to play nice with them.  :'(    I wanted to make friends but I did not know how to which I think it's another symptom of Autism?  

 I don't know why but I feel anxiety like I can't do anything.  I feel like I'm about to puke.  

This is about what I think.  I think about what I talk about the conversations I have with people.  Like when it's Thanksgiving or Christmas time and our family are sitting around the table talking.  I am just listening.  Then I am thinking about how to chat along with them and I think and rehearse in my head what I will say.  If It sounds dumb I won't say it.  If I do say it then it sounds dumb anyway and then I get embarrassed.