My Blog

I don't know how to put this but my anxiety medication I think is not working anymore.  :'(  Well whatever.  I don't want to be a burden to her when I say that my anxiety medication is not working.  So I guess I'm a burden to everyone.  :'(  I don't want to be a burden.   I have received an email from PayPal and it told me that I just paid $10.81 for an app called smule (a singing app).  I would never pay that much for a singing app.  That is kinda expensive.  I would however pay for meditations on insight timer or YouTube. I paid for Insight Timer once. I donated to a meditation teacher on Insight Timer once.   YouTube has a bunch of meditations.  If you pay $10.81 and remove the ads then you don't have to mess around with when you just click skip add.  It gets annoying when you have to stop in the middle of a meditation click (skip ad).   So I pay $10.81 about every 3 or 4 months.  Then it gets a...

I think I'm having an anxiety attack!  :'(  

I loved it living over there at Seville Apartments but people kept telling me what to do!  Even the manager, Marcy kept telling me what to do with my dog!  I hated her!  If I had just hung in there and went into the hospital for a week, and when I got out I would have been better.  That bitch would have left Seville Apartments.  According to Jason, Marcy left right after I moved out of there in 2012.   Everything will be fine over there now.  I didn't know how to make friends and people kept telling me to "stay home".  How am I to make friends with people if I stay home all the time?  I don't know how to make friends with people anyway as I don't know how to play nice with them.  :'(    I wanted to make friends but I did not know how to which I think it's another symptom of Autism?  

 I don't know why but I feel anxiety like I can't do anything.  I feel like I'm about to puke.  

This is about what I think.  I think about what I talk about the conversations I have with people.  Like when it's Thanksgiving or Christmas time and our family are sitting around the table talking.  I am just listening.  Then I am thinking about how to chat along with them and I think and rehearse in my head what I will say.  If It sounds dumb I won't say it.  If I do say it then it sounds dumb anyway and then I get embarrassed.  

OMG!  Please excuse the tanktop as I was really hot when we got back.   I got about a mile and half of my hair cut off.  I mean there was a pile of hair on the floor.  I was starting to get headaches again.  Hair can really heavy especially really thick hair!   I still have a slight headache but it's not as bad as it was.   I think it took all this coronavirus stuff and wearing masks that took me to speak as the mask is covering my mouth and no one can see anything but my eyes.  Since the coronavirus and no other people were in the shop, I spoke to the hairdresser, lady for the first time.  I said "how much is it" and then added a tip.  I hate to say this and it's an awful thing to say but this "coronavirus stuff" is making me speak or helping me to speak easier.  lol!   

Wednesday, September 9, 2020  -  I started running in August.  I am still running and not breathing so heavy when I run.  I am going to keep running as my ankle does not hurt after I run.  When I run, somehow my ankle stops hurting.  This is so weird that my ankle stops hurting after I start running.  I made a challenge to myself to run for an entire week.  So then Hurricane Laura hit and I could not do that challenge.  So now it has been two weeks since I have been running.  I ran for two weeks right after Hurricane Laura.  I did do that challenge to run for an entire week.  Turns out that I ran for about two weeks---prior to hurricane Laura.  Well two weeks after hurricane Laura.     I had a pretty big piece of pumpkin pie with cool whip and when I say cool whip, I mean a lot of cool whip covering the entire piece.  I am the master of cool whip.  I have to top my sister and put twice as much of w...