My Blog

I get angry when people raise their voice at me.  This increases a freeze response and causes me to shut down speech.  Now, how can I use it in a positive way?  I think most of my anger came from not being able to speak and not being properly treated for selective mutism.  I was going to have a speech class or speech thing before hurricane harvey hit back in 2017.  They just didn't want me to or I just looked so anxious in the face that they changed their minds about the speech class.  It was way out there in ten buck two also known as "the worst part of town" and the Lamar university area.  No, the worst part of town is Southpark in Beaumont Texas.  Another area is not a good part of town is Magnolia Avenue in Beaumont Texas.  

My thoughts are I have learned that if I show anxiety, I get negative attention.  If I hide it, I am safe.   I don't want to mask anymore.  So something taught me to hide anxiety.  

I’m great at exercising, meditating, rocking Nicki Rose, and caring for animals by ensuring they have food, water, and a warm place to sleep. I’m also skilled at making jewelry and journaling, though not so much about my feelings. My emotions tend to be all over the place, but I’d like to take on the challenge of journaling them sometime in the near future.

When you care about everything else but your house, that is I think is anxiety.  That is when you wish that your house would go up in smoke without the people and animals in it of course.  This is why I am waiting to buy a bed or new mattress.  It is a lot easier to just send the new bed over to the new house or apartment rather than just moving everything to the new place.  When I turn 55, I want to move with or without them and I want that adjustable bed frame with a new mattress.  

Something that bothers me recently is that I didn't have the words to say to tell that person.  Jason has a fan that was too loud and it would blow directly into the microphone.  Jason's A/C -- a couple of years ago would kick in and it would sound like running water or a river.  He could not figure out what I was talking about and I could not either.  His A/C drove me nuts!  At times I would hang up on him because it got way too loud.  It literally felt like I had to pee all night!  

I can explain.  When I had all three wisdom teeth removed, not once did not take any Tylenol for pain.  I believe that I was 25.  

I think it's worse because there are too many safety issues and much crime.  Bottomline is that kids in today's society have it way too easy.  Us kids in the 70's and 80's it was hard, especially on my part.  I struggled a lot!