My Blog

If I could make money at all I would make bracelets or little charms to go around a handle of a water jug or a keychain .  People already have a lot of keychains, but you can't have just one keychain, right?  There is that chance that social security will catch me and take away my check or even get caught with the IRS .  I heard that the IRS is going to go away and I heard that from the news.  But who knows if Trump will actually succeed in making the IRS go away.  What am I complaining about now?  I don't pay anything.  My mom pays them.  I remember back in 2009 through first part of 2012 I remember paying IRS.  But after that my mom started paying IRS.  I guess when I wasn't in the apartment anymore is when I stopped because I was living with my parents.  I guess all I can do is guess what happened.  Let me think....  I guess because I was younger than the elders over there in the apartment complex were setting me o...

First off... I love to exercise!  Then after all that movement I did, I got to calm that immune system with meditation.  And third I love to journal.  I pick up a pen and write or put my hands on the keyboard and they start flying across the letters on the keyboard with words that come flying out of my head.  Then I love to listen to music.  I listen to music by NKOTB aka: New Kids on the Block most of the time.  I am sharing my favorite song that got me through the tough times.  It is Hangin Tough by NKOTB.  When I first heard of them, I was about 14 years old.  It was in 1988 (i think).  Yeah, I love to listen to NKOTB.  

I just had a terrifying nightmare but I know it is a part of life.  Death of a loved one.  It made me wake up and scream out loud.  I remember because I opened my eyes for a brief moment looked at Nicki Rose  and sniffled and cried.  I had a nightmare someone lit a match and it exploded.  I had pulled mom away from it. Well considering it really didn't hurt me because have a lot of muscle tone in my nightmare,  (I believe that muscle tone is a lot of cushioning under my fat?)   but her head popped off and doctors surgeons was working on sewing her head back on.  That nightmare was so scary that I woke myself up screaming bloody murder!!!   This is why it is very important for me to learn to live on my own in an apartment even if I am alone for the rest of my life. Again, I realize that death is part of life and it is hard losing a pet and really hard losing a loved one.  I love my parents very much.  I just don't show...

I know I have forgiveness.  I think I am a forgiving person.  Am I?  I don't think I have empathy.  No, I don't have integrity.  Well I do tell the truth to doctors, dentists and therapists.  What else is there?   I will have to ask someone what my core values are.   does anyone have every right to hit me if I am being a bad person? (i don't know what the word is i am trying to say)  I know they hit me with a newspaper and their hand but that is about it. I deserved it anyway because I wouldn't do what they asked me to do.  Well I was 40 years old then and I wouldn't do what I was told to do.  That is why they hit me.  Nothing I can do about it now. What is done is done.  That is the past and I am trying to forget the past and not look back.  Not after that time, they have not done that again.   Use your rights. Know that other people must not abuse you. This means that other people are not allowed...

This is makes me more able to articulate.  I feel like I am more able to be myself with Jason but lately Jason has been telling me that I am rude and doing all these things that are considered " rude noises ".  You know the tics I do?  The one that sounds like me sucking snot, or the one that sounds like a fart and something else that I can't describe or put into words but it bugs the shit out of Jason.  I honestly can't help it.  The two people that I can be myself is AJ and Melissa . But I saw something about AJ and Melissa a few years ago. I can't remember the whole article but I remember pieces of it.  It was something about their daughter was locked in a closet while AJ was watching her.  I never told anyone else until I blogged about it today.  I swear.  

I have a triple whammy. I have selective mutism , muscle pain and in perimenopause .  I think I know how I got selective mutism. My sister Karin and my aunt Lisa said when I was two or 3 that if I say this I will get it for you. You are never supposed to do that to anyone. Plus at 4 or 5 the dog TJ- my sister's friend Donna's dog knocked me down and bit me on the nose.  I still have the scar on my nose from the dog bite .  Then at 5 I got my tonsils taken out . So from the "point to this and we'll get it for you" that my sister Karin and Aunt Lisa did and the dog bite and the accident in summer of 1992 could have added to that anxiety.  No wonder I remember everything when I was like 2 and 3 years old.  I remember the good stuff too.  It was mostly about my granmaw .  I think my granmaw understood me more than anyone.  There was one time my granmaw told me about when I was three.  I ran out to her car and said, "I'll drive granmaw!"  T...