My Blog

First off.  No one really knew how to speak to someone who has selective mutism.  I wanted to express myself in positive ways without anger.  Anger was the only way I knew how, but in negative ways.  How do we learn to express anger, and where do we learn it from?  No, it was not Jason! I did not know Jason back in the 80s.  Well, I knew a Jason, and he went to a different jr high school than I went to.  When one of my classmates called me on the phone when I was in jr high, his name was Brian.  He asked me Do you love me or Jason.  Well course I said Jason in my head.  No matter how hard I tried, the answer would not come out of my mouth.  It was stuck in my throat, almost like a lump.  This is why I suspect I have mild autism.  The first time I really suspected--- it was back in 2016 when I read a book called Selective Mutism Resource Manual.  I think there is a connection between selective mutism and autism.  ...

My problem is that I listen to other people who tell lies about whom I talk to.  Those people think that the people I talk to are scammers and want to scam me and take advantage of me.  So I just listen to the ones that I live with because I will be living with them the rest of my life.  I will never be able to afford an apartment or even a house.   That is just how life has to be.  I can't get angry about it because I will have a  stroke or a heart attack .  I believe that getting angry causes a stroke or heart attack or both.  I try to stay calm and let other people get angry for me.    They can't get angry either, but other people are not as overweight as I am.  I try to meditate, but someone calls meditation "bullshit".  Meditation keeps me calm.  There are two apps I go to for meditation.  They are Insight Timer and " The Mindful Movement " on YouTube.  I pay for YouTube Premium because it is reall...

I can think of several sources.  Yep, you guessed the one sittin' up on teams right now. yup. Jason!  Also, the news and the weather.  I try to limit watching the news and weather-related news unless it is important, and, plus, President Trump is doing crazy things.  I really don't want to know what the news/weather what other people are doing.  I know it would trigger me. Everything triggers me.   I have this dream that I would wake up one morning and turn on the news, and WORLD PEACE would break out.  Actually, every year on Christmas Eve, I would go out and look up at the stars and think I want world peace.  Well, if I keep going out and looking up at the stars and wishing for world peace, maybe this time it will happen.   Well, what I really want to say is I was bullied from elementary to junior high and high school. I know what it is like for people to bully others.  I don't remember people calling me names in elementary...

Physical Awareness : Write about all the places that you can currently feel tension in your body. Write about all the areas that feel relaxed. I feel tension in my shoulders for sure.  I also feel tension in my lower back and hips.  People keep telling me it's either old age or my weight, and that I need to lose weight. It's something more.   I do believe that it is anxiety that is making my shoulders, lower back, and hips feel tense.  I do stretches every day, and then I have to start over the next day again doing my stretches.  My favorite yoga pose is the pigeon pose .  It is an intense hip stretch and the splits.  Another good hip stretch is to lie down on your back, either on the floor or your bed, and bring your knees to your chest. Oh, that is an awesome stretch!  

Can muscle be caused by severe anxiety ?  I know that I exercise moderately and to PahlaB . She doesn't make workout videos anymore.  She didn't want to be telling us one thing and then turning around and doing another.  You can lose weight without even exercising at all.   I choose to exercise because I love to exercise.  I exercise only for my mental health.  It just feels so good on my muscles.  Here is the thing...... my muscles feel better and don't hurt at all while I am working out, but they hurt me later.  I found peppermint essential oil , and not to mention lavender oil , for anxiety.  I use peppermint body wash for severe muscle pain/muscle tension .  But recently, I have found dr teal's vanilla comfort .  It has ginger and cardamom in it.  I'm not familiar with cardamom, but ginger works well on my muscles.  I only use eucalyptus.  I would be careful because eucalyptus can trigger a panic attack, w...

I don't think I even have any strengths or talents.  I probably never got to articulate them at all in my life because I was scared to.  Why was I afraid to? Perhaps because when I was about 9 or 10 years old, I heard the story of how my sister got yelled at because she wanted to go to the skating rink and mom wouldn't let her.  I was still in the hospital in Galveston .  This is why I never saw it or the outburst that mom and my sister had.  It was really for her own good.  When we are young we never really think about what could happen to us all that we want to do is do what our friends wanted to do.  I never had friends like that.  My friends were caring.  I remember when I was walking home from school in the rain when I was in the 3rd grade.  Jennifer,  my childhood best friend wanted to see if I was okay.  She actually had me put my feet in a warm bucket of water.  At the time, I couldn't understand why she did that...