My Blog

My first experience, or so what I think is self-doubt is when I moved into my first apartment.  It was December 2009. Just a little hint, don't ever move in the middle of a winter/holiday.  I moved back then and it all backfired. The next time I move again, or if it ever happens again I will move in spring or summer or fall even.  I had this doubt that everything would go haywire.  I said to myself "Gee, I wonder how long this is going to last".  I felt like I was going to lose it when the first time someone one bullied me over there at that apartment complex.  I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything.  I had to just stand there and take that thought.  I was bullied my whole life. Was I bullied my whole life?  Well I remember being bullied in school.  I was just an easy target for bullies throughout my whole school years - Kindergarten through all the way up until 12th grade.   If I forgot anything please tell me.  ...

 

Self Limiting Belief: I'm too old. I don't have enough time. I don't deserve success or happeness. I don't have enough experience. I must achieve success at whatever I do making no mistakes. I am not good with money. Others are in my way.  Supporting Belief:  I am competant in everything I do. Negative Self-Talk: Nobody likes me If I try to keep a positive attitude, everything always falls apart. I can't do it because I will get into trouble. Everything I have ever said about myself was negative. Life is so unfair. Accepting Self-Talk: Here are seven ways to embed positive self talk into your daily life: Start in the morning. Set yourself up for success by practicing positive self talk in the morning. ... Weave it into your routine. ... Work with your inner critic. ... Refer to yourself in the third person. ... Set daily reminders. ... Check-in with yourself. ... Stay present.

The time I was playing with Barbie and made a little house for them.  I had in my room two closets in apartment 26 at Longfellow and in between my two closets there was a plug outlet. I put in a night light and made a little cardboard house and the night light acted as a light in there house.  (I am damn lucky that didn't catch fire in my room.)  Well anyway, I was very content and happy.  One day we were having a garage sale on Austin Street back in the 80s and Jennifer sold her Barbie house to me. When I got tired of it, we put it up the attic to save it for one of my cousins who is younger than me. But it never got out of the attic because in 1987 there was a house fire when my sister frying french fries.  First thing my sister grabbed was her cat Miss Kitty before she ran to the neighbors to call the fire department.  Then Snowball (my cat) walked up after it was all over with.   I was about 13 and she was about 17.  Well me and my sister...

I am remembering that time that I almost got into trouble when someone on Ebay bought something from me. It was after 2014.  I put one of my earrings or bracelets on Ebay and someone bought it. I thought I was going to get into trouble with mom and dad so I reimbursted or gave her money back to her.  Now I have bad credit all because I thought I was was going to get in trouble with mom and dad. Stupid selective mutism for making me think that!  Yeah, why did I put my jewelry on Ebay in the first place.  I don't know, I guess I was just stupid and being greedy and wanted more money.  This is the reason why I hate that I have selective mutism!!!  I always think that I am going to get into trouble with mom and dad! Ugh! 

I am not sure how to do this.