My Blog

I have something to say that may be something to think about or talk about with Dr Isern. (however you spell his name)  I seem to think that Oxcarbasepine is not strong enough. It is like my body is used to the medication.  I have found myself in the boat I was in 2014.  But I have mental health issues.  I am partially crazy in stressful situations.  I tend to self-harm in stressful situations.  Do I self-harm in stressful situations?   Biting, hitting , scratching , cutting, burning, and head banging are all forms of self-harm.  The ones highlighted green are the one that I did.   May I please get another mood stabilizer?  I am already taking the maxium dose of oxcarbasepine.  What is something a little bit stronger and why am I talking about this when I have a severe problem with my mental health.  Of course, I have probably hit the menopause stage by now.  See? this is what I mean when I heard from "anxietycentre....

  Well. How do you sit with an emotion and except it and hope that the feeling will pass?  This is something I need to do for myself.  There are just some things that we need to do for ourselves--like sitting with our emotions until we accept them and not push them away?  and remember that this is only temporary and hope that this feeling passes.  

Well I am just looking to move out of this neighborhood.  I need to stop looking for an excuse to move and just do some work around this house! But all I want to do is do Journal prompts all day. That will be interesting, writing about New Kids on the Block for every minute of every day. Ugh!  Just like people said I was writing about New Kids on the Block in the past back in the 80's.   I would love to get an apartment and mom and dad could get an apartment right next to me or where ever I could get an apartment and mom and dad could be on the first floor.  Since my knees are fine. My knees are not hurting. I would be on the 2nd or 3rd floor and mom and dad would be on the first floor of the same apartment building but they don't want to make things a bit easier.  Fine then don't!  I was just trying to make things a bit easier and just do their laundry and take out their trash and clean their apartment and they wouldn't have to lift a finger.  Bu...

Reflect on a mistake you made and what you learned from the experience. I remember a mistake I made on December 20, 2012.  I should have stood up for myself and said that I wanted to stay in the apartment.  I could have told my parents I wanted to go into Cypress Creek Hospital in Houston.  Although I didn't know about it back then. My mom had told me back in 2012 that I did not have anxiety. When really selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder.  She does not take the time to anything about it--no one takes the time to read anything about selective mutism.  I really wanted to stay there. I could have worked something out.  I wonder if I can work something out now.  I have wasted so much time and I am so far behind my peers!  My life is screwed up because of me!  I should have just stood up for myself back in 2012.  But it seemed like it was impossible to stand up for myself since my mom had her mind all made up and that was it! My g...

  Well....  It all started in December 2009 when all hell broke lose. I started having anxiety/anger attacks.  I should have started working on myself then.  I should have just walked into a bookstore and walked into a section of books that transforming the self or called self-help.  I could have avoided all of that crap back in December 2012.  And now?  I can't even move out anymore.  I took too long to move out and now I have to help my mom and dad.  

I have noticed that I only give eye contact to the people that I know.  The that come up and talk to me like in a store or something I like look away and then answer their question all while spinning my anxiety ring around my finger. Oh that last time, I think I was in Walmart and Jason told me that someone was trying to talk to me but I swear to god I did not hear her because she was on the side that my ear clogged.  Oh ring goes with me everywhere with me except when I will have the colonoscopy.  I had two already. My first on was in April 2021. My second one was in August 2022. And my third colonoscopy will be in August 2024.   Just yesterday I put my pinky in my ear and out came some wax. Gross. But at least I can hear.  lol!  I bet if I went to the doctor and they got some hot water and sprayed in my ear and wax would pour right out of the same ear.  I believe that my ear clogging up has something to do with Auditory Processing Disorder. No, ...