My Blog

When I first noticed this snorting tic, it was in the spring of 2018 and it was snorting. It's almost like it sounds like I'm clearing my throat.  There is another tic that I do that is even more annoying. I can't explain it though unless it's on video.  I find myself doing that at least every five minutes.   There is a trick I hearned.  It's the 5,4,3,2,1 meditation. It's for anxiety but it could work for other things since people with tics need to relax more anyway. My doctor (in Houston) has said it was something like Tourettes but it wasn't Tourettes. What did he say it was that it was like Tourettes but it wasn't Tourettes?  How many G__ D___ tic disorders are out there?  Well anyway, here is the meditation.  Does it or does it not sound like I have Tourettes Syndrome?  Well the only cursing I do is saying the word SHIT.  Sometimes another word slips out. The mother of all curse words. If I am around people I can speak comfortably w...

The depression had settled down into me.  Question. I am wondering if selective mutism (which is an anxiety disorder) can trigger in depression making it extremly hard to function in turn making me extremely anxious?   But the depression went up to about 5 when my reborn got delivered here.  That was a big difference!   Rating: Depression: 10 and up Anxiety: 10 and up And after the reborn got delivered here, anxiety was lowered to about a 8 and depression was about 5.   Reborns work well for anxiety and depression as well.   This little toddler's name is Madelyn Rebecca.  Her kit name is Maddie by Bonnie Brown. The person who sculpted her was Bonnie Brown.  So I looked up Bonnie Brown on google. She had been given I think 20 dollars and she used that money to create her first reborn sculpt.  As what her first reborn sculpt was, I have no idea.  I tried to find what her first sculpt was but no luck.  In conclusion...

Well I have two loving parents who bought me and my sister; Karin everything that we wanted or needed. Here is one memory that I have when I was five. Maybe Karin has a different memory of it.  But this is my memory.  When I was five, I literally couldn't speak because of the #selectivemutism.  I will drop a picture of the bike and my memory of Broadmoor Street.  Oh and by-the-way, I have loved everything I have ever got from my parents--including that bike at age 5.   I have looked on google at the house on Broadmoor.  That is about the only house that I remember living at age 5.  Well, I believe we moved there when I was 3 and we moved when I was about 6 or 7.  I need to add this paragrah up there into the paragrah down below in the picture to where it sounds good.  How do I do that?  and where do I put it?   geez....I share one memory. LOL!  LMAO!  

I am wondering if I would be able to be hypnotized into overcoming selective mutism?  I am willing to try anything at this point in time!!!  But if I do overcome Jason is afraid that I will do something stupid if I overcome selective mutism.  Maybe I shouldn't overcome selective mutism and stay in this house forever.  Well I could fake overcoming selective mutism and pretend that I can't do anything. Like when I overcome selective mutism, I would be expected to do all things myself. I wouldn't be able to drive because of my medication though--I got to ask for a ride and walk to anywhere I want to go.   So I am wondering if being hypnotized would work for overcoming selective mutism?    I want to make Jason see that I will not do anything stupid if I overcome selective mutism!!!

I would say that 10 years ago would be about the year of 2012.  On December 20 back in 2012, I was worried that I was going to die.  I did not know where I would end up.  People over there at the apartments I was living at were judging my mental health. I have selective mutism and that is part of a mental health condition.  My mom did not want to admit it for the longest time since I was diagnosed with SM 1979 when I was 5.  (i think i was 5 in 1979)  

I am in the very start of menopause. Yesterday I had my very first hot flash twice on Friday December 15.  One at Old Navy store in the mall and one at home. In Old Navy I thought I was having a panic attack because I thought I was going to literally die! Ugh! Could it have been both?  Plus I am having FULL BODY PAIN from head all the way down to my toes. EVERY SQUARE INCH OF MY MUSCLES ARE HURTING! Plus I get to doing something and I forget to eat and I crave carbs when I should be cutting them out.  Should I be cutting out carbs?  Carbs turn into sugar in your body. Even my hands and my feet hurt. My thighs. My arms. My neck. You name it---it hurts there. I still think it is muscle tension from my selective mutism. I heard from anxietycentre.com that if you have an anxiety disorder and a woman in menopause, it will be 10 times worse. Is that really true? The muscles hurting is almost like I have been working out for about 2 weeks with out any rest days. Ugh 😩

Today....... I lost 1.2 pounds. I guess I can say yesterday I got rid of some mental trash. It felt good to get rid of it. It is in my self-care journal.