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I had another anxiety attack.  Not sure how I got an anxiety attack but I laid back up in my recliner under my weighted blanket waiting for the anxiety attack to calm.  My dad had back surgery today at what 10am and he's still in surgery at 6:47?  I had to watch all four animals.  The cats however, can take care of themselves except I got their treats for them.  As I walked downstairs and to the kitchen Happy popped though the pet door.  All went well in surgery.   Could muscle soreness and tension be an anxiety attack?  Or could muscle soreness and tension cause an anxiety attack?  

I forgot to say something about last week, the week of October 29 to November 4.  I think it was on a Tuesday October 31. I had an anxiety attack.  Well, I guess what happened after that.... that I had a panic attack that I would fall and become unconsious.  Well I was dizzy, but I think that was because of one my ears is clogged.  I don't know, does anyone else get dizzy when one or both of their ears is clogged?  Right now it's kinda muffled.  I kinda can hear out of it but not really.  But I think that can cause a panic attack?  

Certain people and certain situations. This is why I think it should be called situational mutism. I would love to know what caused my SM too. Just remember all individuals are different. Different things caused their SM. Here is a video of Nicki Rose and what I have taught her.  https://youtube.com/shorts/y_sL9HWvPVg?si=5TTxrSOPJXQsj4_u

Here is a poem that I wrote back in 2017 because I remember it being just before hurricane Harvey came through here and flooded everything. ugh! Worst time of my life--- no that's not true. The worst time of my life would be when I was in that horrible accident in summer of 1992. I was triggered really badly. I remember that I was taking a medication that if I was taken off of it abruptly. I would not speak to anyone and I was off in my own little world and staring. ugh! that was a horrible time. About how often would I think about that? I would think about that almost everyday. Then I would think about me tumbling inside that van. Then I would think about that asshole that hit us. ugh! If I could be in a room with that driver of that big yellow moving truck would really F him up and put his ass in the hospital! Instead he put me in the hospital. Here is the poem about selective mutism. #selectivemutismawareness #anxiety #depression #panicattacks -------------------------...

Prison Of Silence written by: Pamela's SM Journey -------------------------------------- I'm in this prison of silence, Is there something in it for me? I'm in this prison of silence, I don't want to be a tree. When I get to a state of panic, From deep down inside, I get shaky and achey, On my low backside. I'm in this prison of silence, I wish people wouldn't be offended by me. I'm in this prison of silence, I believe one person has a key. When I get in a state of panic, I feel tightness in my low back, And I can't move. I'm in this prison of silence, I just want to be free. I'm in this prison of silence, I believe I will be free.

Wrote this journal prompt today.  Again, I went off topic.  

You wanna know how I struggle with selective mutism so much.  But my reasons people won't agree with half the time anyway so what is the point?  Maybe I need to put that out there  because it would feel better to talk about it.  It may not solve anything, but talking about it helps. But people don't want to talk about mental health. They want to just leave it alone and let it get worse and let the people suffering from this get worse so their family member can take care of the ones who have selective mutism. ugh!   The reason why I don't speak is because people won't give me a chance and when I do speak, people will not give me a chance.  That is what makes me angry most of the time!    The thing that makes people mad at me is that I keep changing my story of why I don't speak.  This is why People don't believe me and this is another reason why I get so many outbursts that don't make any sense to other people.  All this is pissing m...