My Blog

I have three official diagnoses which are selective mutism, auditory processing difficulties, and Panic Disorder.  I know that I have something else wrong with me.  I just can't say it because I will get in trouble for saying what I have.   Having outbursts is from what other people have told me.   And no one even knows this but I stumble over my words when speak.  Do I stumble over my words and then get mad for saying the wrong thing?  Actually, I think I do that in private when I make videos or do self-talk.  FYI: my self-talk is not always positive.  So I will just say the symptoms.  I made a screenshot of my Pamela's SM Journey page.   Here it is.  It figures I would leave something out. Even in meditation I move around and wiggle tap my hands and feet. Even in Jr high my teacher told me I was tapping my pencil or pen and it annoyed the teachers plus the other students in my English class.  I remember one tim...

I have been writing journal prompts in another area.  It's in a book. I'll read it.

 I know this is fictional but this is kind of fun to do.  I would feel excited that I won. But my parents would want me to sign it over to them and just have them issue it out to me.  Or just give it all to my parents because I owed them money anyway.  My parents paid for stuff for me and my older sister when we were way younger than when we couldn't get a job because we were young kids back then.  Or I could just take all of the money and GTF away without anyone seeing me just to see if I could make it on my own!  I probably could. Or share it between me, Mom, My sister, and My aunt.  Or I could just put the money all in that little trusty thing and just stay home and be like the kid who never made it!   ~~~***   ***~~~ Jason said yesterday that Sunday, June 11, I turned into a regular old chatterbox.  Man, that selective mutism is tricky and surprises the shit out of me.  Yes, my favorite word is shit.  lol!  J...

I feel most at peace and confident when I am doing journal prompts or in meditation. 

Pamela's SM Journey Published by  Pamela Ann Wyatt    ·  J u s t   n o w    ·  Now I know why I am doing the tappy tap tap noise. It is anxiety. I remember when I was in Junior high school I was in a couple of mainstream classes but really I was put in special ed when I got out of the mental hospital in Galveston. Anyway, It was tappy tap tap away with my pencil. Everyone kept getting mad at me, and I didn't know why I was doing that. Now I know what it was.... it was anxiety. Dam people didn't know what it was! It was anxiety, you idiot! My only regret was that I wanted people to realize that it was anxiety. People didn't know what it was back in 1986.

What is my biggest hope for the future?  Let's see. I would like to do pole fitness dancing.  There is a big difference there between pole dancing and pole fitness dancing.  One is nasty and for fitness is just well that is for weight loss. Well, that is kind of hard for me to explain that.  How would you explain two kinds of pole dancing?   My other hopes are to publish a poem book.  My other hopes are to get an apartment or house but get some kind of support official support system to come over at least once a week to check on me. Someone who specializes in selective mutism.  And last but not least is I hope to be part of something like the Selective Mutism Foundation if I knew that it was legit.  But things these days are a scam and people don't believe anyone.  

I feel exhausted! I feel like I have been walking all over the place in northern Cali. At first I thought was walking along Marshall Road and I came to the Stoplight when I was on Peabody Road. Then I dreamed about my Aunt Lisa and my cousin Edward there were three of them almost like he was a triplet in my dream but all three them were little bitty kids like um... 5th graders. One triplet was white and the other two were black. I'm sure that means something but it probably just means that everyone has a twin in the world or even triplets. Well I was watching a YouTube short video who were TripleCharm as there username. I guess they are sisters. Anyway, I guess anyone can have twins or triplets and not be related. No my cousin is not triplet, his dad was Tom and turned into this really big asshole! Tom started out being nice and then just like all men he had to talk and control my aunt Lisa all of which she was young Naive and gullible in her 20's. All my aunt Lisa wa...