My Blog

I need to ask this question. Will the SM get worse when a loved one passes away? Will the SM individual go into a deep dark hole?  Me? What I think is that and I know this is negative but I think that I will go back in that deep dark hole and become unable to speak to everyone and have Progressive Mutism. But I could be wrong though.  Let's better hope I could be wrong.  I am worrying about when mom and dad pass I will go into a deep dark hole that I could never get out of.  yeah, Jason mentioned it and it really got me to thinking.  :'(  What I want to know is that---does selective mutism get worse when a loved one passes away?  Like does the individual with selective mutism go backwards and stop talking to everyone?  What I want to say is that I do want to speak.  I wish people wouldn't put words in my mouth like some three year old!!!

I remember when I was 2 my aunt had ahold of my hands and the next minute I threw myself back and pop---my arm came out of the socket.  I rushed to the doctor and he popped it back in place.  

I have had joint pain before and it wasn't even my time to get joint pain.  I have had headaches, nausea, dizziness, and stomachaches.  Still do get them. One time I had a stomachache and nausea so bad when I left the house to go shopping.  I knew it was anxiety. I figured it would go away later on anyway.  God picked me to get selective mutism because he knew that I was a tough cookie! One time in 2017 before Hurricane Harvey that is.  We were going to Houston and I threw up in my dad's truck.  I knew then it was my anxiety (selective mutism).  So when I leave the house, I feel like I am going to puke.  😥

Heck, I don't know I am not sure. I have never tried to do anything but ride my yellow bike that my dad built and painted for me because I loved yellow so much when I was five.  When I first got on my bike, (I called it my yellow porshe) When I was five I told my mom I wanted a yellow porshe.  Now I can't ever learn to drive due to my medications.  When I first got on my yellow porshe, and rode down Broadmoor, I was so proud of myself.  

Well, I don't have unlimited time or money.  This is why money and time are so valuable.  I would have pedicures daily and daily massages.  I would also go to daily meditation and yoga classes daily.  This is why I am going to get down to my goal weight and do these things.  Well I am not going to do them daily I will do it one time and that's it.  Those things would cost me a lot of money to do.    

 My five best qualities are 

I had an anxiety attack yesterday over if I was going to gain or not. Nope, didn't gain. I lost 2 pounds! I'm eating less and moving more. But that just doesn't work anymore. So I am just consentrating on the zero points foods to about 2  or 3 points. I never eat anything that is say about 7 points unless it has protein in it that fills me up. All protein does is fill you up. I remember when I was three I knew that veggies along with protein and milk were good for me. No one needed to tell me anything about that. I just knew that. Oh man I I loved veggies when I was about 2 - 3 years old. Still love them. I love them plain without salt or butter but sometimes I put a little tablespoon of butter and that's it.