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Today... was a great day I guess. I took a rest day from my running I did from Thursday July 15. Then did more running on Saturday. 

I know he won't look at this blog so it doesn't matter what I say here. I'm hurt by him. I want him but not sure how to get him or how I would have convinced my parents to let me meet him.  Hmmm but it's too late now. I guess I will just let him go elsewhere.  I truly believe that he will come back to me someday. But as what he told me that he was dying and that he maybe has cancer in which case, I hope that he doesn't have cancer.  I'm not mentioning any names.  

I am either watching the kitten or watching Nicki.  HappyHappy is a baby kitten and too little to go outside. I tell her that she is too little to go outside and that she will get lost in the grass. Nicki is somewhat like a toddler.  So in a way,  the cat and dog is somewhat like a baby daughter.  My dog and new kitten are not just any dog and cat, they are a member of the family.  

I got a kitten.  Well it just wondered up to the screen door. This is a horrible thing to say but I was hoping that a kitten would wonder up to the door someday. It is a gray-tiger striped cat. They are my favorite kind of cat since I had two other kinds of cats Joe, and another time Joey. Both named after Joe Mcintyre of NKOTB.   But I'm done with naming animals after NKOTB,  As I named my chihuahua fox terrier the name of Nicki.   My headache had gone away when I got up this morning on July 5th.   My dream dog is a long-haired chihuahua. They are so beautiful. But I want a puppy and I can train it by myself.  

Tension in my shoulders, pain in my lower back. Pain in my head like there is a tight band around my head.  Anxiety level right now would be a 10 maybe a little bit over 12. Depression is at 3 though. It could change at any moment though. That is what moods are?  I think most of that stress and worry could be AJ?  I still have this sick headache where it feels like I have to throw up. 😢😢😢

Yeah I know it is too late for this but I found this on google.   But I am wondering if I developed selective mutism suddenly in all situations or just gradually.  Something could have triggered it but what could it have been?  It could have been the dog that bit me on the nose at 4 years old. Then I got my tonsils out at 5 years old.   Children with traumatic mutism  usually develop mutism suddenly in all situations . An example would be a child who witnesses the death of a grandparent or other traumatic event, is unable to process the event, and becomes mute in all settings. Oh and this may be off topic but Jason's mother called my meditations that I listen to "bullshit".  Well I have a few words for her:  Dont knock it until you try it! You might like it. It calms the mind and body. *steps off soap box* okay I'm done with what have to say. 

I am depressed.  Why didn't anyone tell me that we are entering into depression?  I just now discovered my granmaw on my mom's side of the family: she lived through the depression.    My mom confirmed it.  My granmaw was born in 1923.  The depression was from August 1929 to 1939.  Well I had to ask google and that is what google says i dont know if that is true.