My Blog

I feel helpless when I am alone but it's totally normal to feel helpless. :-/  I love learning but I am just stuck learning on the internet even though the internet tells a bunch of lies.  :'(  

This is what I do when I think of anxiety symptoms that are physical.  Most of which that are home invasions during the night. I am really struggling with this.  :'( 

I think about these two things worrying from what I did in the past and worrying into my future. 

When we were in that van and that truck was about to hit us or sideswipe us,  I started to panic.  :'(  I don't know. It's just hard to get this out. I start to think about that horrible accident that was in the Summer of 1992.  How often do I think about?  I don't know. I guess I think about every time someone else brings it up.    :'(   Okay. When Jason was saying what kind of Selective Mutism I have, he said that I have a weird kind of Selective Mutism and that Bekki Winter, my SM friend has regular SM.  :'(  I am still trying to figure that one out.  You mean that Jason says that I have weird Selective Mutism and Bekki has regular Selective Mutism.  WTF is the difference, Jason!  Jason, don't answer that!!!!  I'm sure that you will give me a stupid answer!   I want to figure this one out.  "Maybe there is nothing to figure out".  Someone whispers in my ear.  I don't want to blame anyo...

So far I ran a  virtual 5K three different days.  There is a lady on youtube that does exercises for over 50-year-olds (I'm just getting started) and her name is  Pahla B Fitness. I love her workout. She has workouts to get your heart rate up.      I feel like I have lost weight in the upper half of my body but the fat is going to my hips, thighs, and butt.  Then Jason butts in and says I have gotten bigger and then he says that I lost a little weight.  Make up your mind, dipshit!!!  While I was playing SuperCity I was thinking a damn negative thought.  :'(   Like um... when I well first when I got the phone that I have, my dad said he wanted the new phone cable/charger.  I thought no! Then took it straight up the stairs and tried to plug my new phone into the old charger.  It would not fit.  Glad I disagreed to let my dad have it!  The old charger would not fit into the new phone. Dipshit!  Wh...

I haven't been able to sleep for days now as the air condition went out in one of the rooms.  I think there is an animal trapped in the a/c vent but ya whatever we will see what it is when the a/c guy shows up if they ever do!  I slept in my recliner one or two nights but 

Last night I had woken myself from sleep screaming. I can't remember what happened?  I don't think I was being chased.  Is it somewhat of a panic attack?