Sunday October 12, 2025 | What is on my mind? | Selective Mutism | Auditory Processing "Difficulties"

Nourishment means to me that if we eat a healthy diet with the four basic food groups.  (And I can swear to you that I knew all this back in the 80's.  I knew that it was good to eat protein since I was nine.  No one told me anything. Wait...maybe I did hear it from the hospital in Galveston. I swear!  After I went in and out of the hospital in Galveston Texas for about 18 months or just until I went into the 6th grade.)  I wanted to stay until I could speak a little bit more.  The four basic food group I think are dairy, protein, vegetables and fruit.  

I was laying in bed this morning when a song came on "Alexa" It was whitney houston "I wanna dance with someone who loves me".  I had a dream that when I was about 9 or 10, I wanted to be a dancer.  I don't know why or how I brought that up out of no where.  I'm afraid that at 51, it is too late for that now.  Why didn't my parents want me to be an actress or dancer.  All I can say is that is they didn't want to have to deal with anything.  Now that I am too old and I am having neck and shoulder pain, it is probably too late now.  You know everytime I had done something, my mom gave excuses that I couldn't talk or you gotta be able to talk to do that.  I knew that I could work around selective mutism.  I just couldn't explain that because it would come out weird and people could not understand me or what I was saying.  The more people couldn't understand what I was saying the more angrier I got.  And then BOOM! Everything blew up. That is probably when or even how the anger issues started. I would like to say is that is how the anger issues started.    I am saying that people couldn't understand me from the moment I entered preschool at 2 - 3 years old.  I don't think I cried.  I couldn't, I don't think I could express any emotions at 2 - 3 or even 4 or 5 years old and on.  I think I do remember.........no my mom told me about saying at 2 years old "are you comfortable" to my uncle Max.   And this is pretty gross.  At about 2 years old I used to suck on my two middle fingers and then stick my index and pinky up my nose.  One in one nostril and one in the other nostril.  That was gross and I do remember doing that.  

I know what selective mutism is not just because I typed it in on wikipedia back in 2012.  The site said it is an anxiety disorder.  My mom said that selective mutism wasn't an anxiety disorder and that I didn't have that as she was walking out the door of my apartment.  I remember that!  I couldn't argue with her so I just agreed with her because she thinks everything is a lie on the internet.  Oh I know where to go. Why do you think I have a very severe anxiety disorder called selective mutism.  Tell me if this is right.  Selective mutism (severe anxiety) gets worse as you age?  So that is what SM was doing when I was 38.