Monday October 28, 2024 | Accidents and Bullying

Let's see I have had bullying in the kindergarten all through to the fourth grade. Then I was pulled out of the 4th grade into a hospital in Galveston Texas. Texas Utmb children's hospital I think.  It's not there anymore.  Accidents was when I was too shy to ask to use the toilet.  And I am starting to remember something about this friend of my mom's Becky and Robert.  I was three years old and Us kids were at the store with Becky Young and someone pushed a shopping cart against me and I fell and I think the shopping cart fell on top of me and made me pee my pants because I remember my pants being wet.  Then I remember in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade--that I was too shy and way too anxious to ask to use the toilet and there would be accidents. And there was a restroom right in the classroom in 1st and 2nd grade. I had a friend that would help me out a lot in elementary school. Her name was Jennifer Ash.  Her friend Robin Hickman was my bodyguard of some sort.  Everyone Jennifer was friends with in elementary school would also help me out. I am eternally grateful for that.    If I witnessed any violence, it was Becky and Robert Young.  And loss of a loved one, because I was just five years old when my great grandmother died. Ever since then I was afraid of death.  I really thought I was going to die.  I mean I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I was four so something must have happened between those times.  Mom is just too embarrassed to say what happened to me.  I am the only one who can remember and no one believes me and then never really wants to talk about what happened between those times.  I know that I was unable to speak in all situations between ages 4 through about until I started googling "selective mutism" just to see wtf it was.  It is an anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak does not speak in specific situations or to specific people. It is when they are comfortable they can speak.  But that was forcing me to speak and no one was being patient enough to wait for an answer from me back then.  I also over heard when I was three years old that Robert Young at the time said he had high blood pressure and he said he got it from eating too many foods that had salt in it. So I spent just about 50 years trying to stay away from salt and ended up getting high blood pressure anyway?  That sucks! It turns out that it's maybe from eating too much food, and a natural part of aging and we must not forget that anxiety can raise that blood pressure a little bit but then it goes back down.  But I think it is more than that. I think that when people get angry and yell and especially get angry it leads to high blood pressure?  Well that is my two cents. 

I was also bullied in middle school and high school.  Kids would spread rumors about me saying that I bit someone's sister. Ugh! I did not do that.  And another kid said that I would go all the way on a first date.  Ugh! That is untrue.  I am shy. No! I am more than just shy. I have selective mutism and it is a severe anxiety disorder.  One of my favorite teachers told me that I was shy but I was not shy when it came to New Kids on the Block! 

"Traumatic mutism is a type of selective mutism that makes it difficult to speak after a distressing experience. It's a coping mechanism that can occur in adults who have experienced trauma, such as: Abuse, Bullying, Accidents, Witnessing violence, and Loss of a loved one. 

People with traumatic mutism may be unable to speak in all situations, while people with trauma-induced selective mutism may only have difficulty speaking in certain situations. For example, someone with trauma-induced selective mutism might not be able to speak in front of their abuser or in a setting similar to where the trauma occurred."