Ugh! I could just see Jason making fun of me just because I got started late in life. It's just something that that Jason would do. Let's say it's well into my 60's and I have to and I just have to go into a nursing home with my mom and dad. I was well and I mean well protected all my life. I can't even experience being like in an apartment and doing stuff for myself. My dream to get a house of my own but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I can't think of what it's called now. Maybe it's not meant to be in my genes. Independent! I wish I could have been miss independent since I was 23 but I think kinda waaaayyyy too late now. lol Somehow I was meant to be taken care of and meant to have selective mutism and meant to be protected all of my life and never meant to do anything that I think I can do. It's always about what my family thinks that I can do! But I have to live with that pain the rest of my life. I should be used to that pain. My family thinks that I don't get tired of staying in this house day after day after day. Yes, I do need to save money because I can't work due to selective mutism. It is really all my fault if you think about it. That is self blame isn't it and not self doubt?
I just had some thoughts come through my head. I have a nice little clear picture of me having an apartment and people come along right behind me burst my pretty little bubble. Ugh! I would say in about 10 to 15 years I would have a nice apartment or house. 🏡
Here is the song Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson.
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