Sunday December 12, 2021 | Challenging

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This was the most challenging day for me!  First I came downstairs to take Jordan out to pee because she likes for me to go out there with her.  I opened the blinds and saw mom on the ground.  She had tripped over a crack in the driveway.   I put my hot coffee down start toward the screen door.  Locked!  Realizing that she couldn't get up, I went to go get something long and skinny like a knife.   Mom told me to go get dad.  I went really are you kidding me?   Then I took that as a challenge.  At first I hesitated, then I took a deep breath start heading in there.  I shocked myself.  But it was in a low whisper.   It doesn't matter what the situation is that deserves a reward not one reward but two rewards.  And I'm not rewarding myself with food.   I felt anxious for a good part of the day and was really struggling.  If my dad and my sister knew how hard I was struggling, they would understand.  But I don't think they understand fully.  If they had an anxiety disorder like selective mutism never could understand not that it didn't make sense.  I still keep looking in their faces well mom and dad's face is wondering if they have the same thing as me and my sisters face wondering if it she has the same thing as me like an anxiety disorder but that's kinda that's an invisible mental health disorder---yeah.  If I thought this day was challenging just wait until the cruise.   yes, I'm ready.

Below is the anxiety card with a lanyard that came with it that I bought off Etsy.com.  I don't think anxiety is a medical condition.  It is more of a psychological condition, I think.  But It's okay.  

Monday December 13, 2021
One thing I forgot was I spoke up. It was in a whisper but I spoke up. :)  Then my sister said something but forgot what she said. Honest!  My feeling was like "Really Karin! Imagine if you have Selective Mutism. You would be in the same situation!"  

See?  This is what I'm talking about...... See what all I said up there?  This is what makes other people want to ask others about me and ask them what happened. People don't believe other people who have mental health disorders, like an anxiety disorder!!! :'(  










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