Thursday August 19, 2021
Well for starters I dreamed that I had my own apartment but it was just me there at first. At first, I wanted my own house. But after living in my parent's house, I'm not so sure anymore as it is worse than it was when we first moved in 1997. It it it it's like an episode of hoarders!!!
He (see I cant say names because of selective mutism) sent me a video of a song that was so deep and felt something. Oh is it alright if I meet him? See cant say names. But I know who I'm talking about? Does he?
Can someone help me work on this name thing? I would like to address this when getting someone's attention. Instead of just saying hey.
Oh this is really hard for me to say even behind a screen on a blog but he is definitely inspiring me to write more in my blog. (thank you 😇) Yeah, I have a lot more questions but I am shaking as I write this. Great! It just left my head and my mind. Oh how convenient!? :'( I'll think of it later, I promise. It always comes back to me. I will come back here and try to type it. Oh and he's encouraged me to never give up. That is another reason why I love him. And what I would do, Oh I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't judge a book by it's cover. Yes, I had learned that from New Kids on the Block (AKA: NKOTB, AKA: The Block) In other words, you can't tell what a person is like on the outside if you haven't met the inside. Somehow that got stuck in my head but haven't figured out why though.
I'm going to write more to this later.
This song I think sorta kind describes Selective Mutism.
Here is another song that totally describes Selective Mutism.
Here is the fight song that somewhat describes Selective Mutism.
Here is one someone did the cover for in ASL. She also had Selective Mutism. She also has Tourette Syndrome. She curses in almost all of her videos but it is not her fault. It is just her Tourettes. I love this song.
Oh how convenient! I think of something else that is going to my head and out the other side. Like what are his motives. Sorry that is just what someone else is going to ask me. Let me rephrase that. My mom would ask me what are his motives or she would automatically say that he is a...... omg! what is that word? Please help me out--- entice? Please don't get mad at me. :'( I need someone I can talk to freely that understands me and understands my anxiety/panic attacks. Like I said, can I meet him if someone that I can speak to freely comes along with me? I also don't want to jeopardize someone else's security.
Crap! I used some big words that I had to use google mini to know how to spell. That was just a random thought that I had. OMG! These are some stupid weird ass thoughts. :'( Hey wait a minute............ did he really read up on Selective Mutism and educate himself about this crippling disorder? Like I said earlier, I can't say people's names to them---like say their name to get their attention. It's part of Selective Mutism. The reason that I know is because every Selective Mutism individual has said the same thing.
OMG! I have all these thoughts flowing through my head and I don't know what to do or say first or if they are even appropriate enough to tell anybody. I am so scared. 👀 I have been told but not sure where I heard it that I say inappropriate things. OMG! mind will you shut up! ahhhhhh! I want to listen to my heart and my brain but I simply REFUSE to listen to my MIND!!! I will just simply not care what anyone thinks. shhhhhh My heart says take a risk but my mind says otherwise. My mind is like a crazy little toddler. It screams and yells at me every time my heart does something stupid.
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