Can't Express Feelings

How come I can't talk and say my feelings like other Selective Mutism individuals. I don't know, I just can't be myself and express my feelings. Maybe it is because I would be embarrassed or humiliated or something. :'(   I think I misspelled that word humiliated.  I can't even defend myself either.  It's not fair that other individuals with Selective Mutism can express their feelings and I can't!  It's not fair.  It's probably because I have a different Selective Mutism with Low Functioning Autism.  I don't think I can take care of myself.  

Anything I can do that will help me with my Selective Mutism?  Any ideas?  I am like having depression thoughts that I can't do anything or I can't take care of myself.  I am so afraid I could be so close to self-harming again. :'(  

I know I said I can't express my feelings but this is through writing.  But I can't express my feelings through word-of-mouth which is what I want to do but physically can't!!!  Why won't people believe me that I just want to speak!?   

I ran another 5K plus a 10K run on youtube.  Kinda felt proud of me.  

The bottom line is that I struggle with expressing my feelings.  It was the SM Space Cafe that made me realize that.  :)