My Blog

I got this from a journal prompt card.  "The leading cause of death is birth".  This I believe makes no sense to me whatsoever.  How can I live my life and find peace is to do what I am supposed to do and not fudge up.  Do what I think is right.  Correction. Do what other people think is the right thing to do is what I am trying to say.   Here is a quote I found on a card 100 mindful prompts .  I think it makes no sense to me.  " If you die before you die, you won't die when you die ".  Makes no sense.  Why am I always afraid to reinvent myself for the first time over the age of 50 ?  I know that I can't leave the city of Beaumont and the state of Texas , I get that. As so the courts have mentioned in their documents. I guess this is why we go to the courthouse every year.  Oh I hate not being normal.  I wish I hadn't gotten selective mutism in the first place!!!  Right now, I would have a car and house and wou...

Friday December 26, 2025 | Mindfully listen. How often you craft a response before the other person completes their thought? Today I will uncomplicate my life by reducing the stress and lowering the anxiety.  Meditating three times per day could be beneficial to me.  The truth was, is and always will be free.  

 

Not being able to do things on my own.  I can't drive and their is no bus line out where I live at.  It is  important for me to learn to live alone in an apartment .  I have learned my lesson not to let anyone  spend the night in my apartment ever again.  I have learned my lesson.  Why do I have to listen to my parents when they tell me stuff like this.  When the city of Beaumont clearly says that I am an adult!  But the city of Beaumont doesn't have to live with me, am I right?   I feel like I am leaving things out.  Am I?  

If I had a magic wand , I would make selective mutism disappear from every one of us who has it and the problems it has caused us!  But I would still be like I am now.  Afraid to move and afraid to do anything for myself.  There is that thing called getting into trouble that is part of selective mutism.  

I would like to say support but I don't think I have any of that.  I would have loved to have support whenever I was first diagnosed with selective mutism when I was 4.  Everyone thought it was my fault.  People kept thinking that it was refusal to speak.  It was not refusal to speak.  It is clearly an anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak does not speak in certain situations or to certain people.  If mom would have listened what I heard on Wikipedia back in 2012 then she would have known that too.  But I am grateful for the basic things like a roof over my head, clothes on my back, money to buy stuff and finding money in a book when I thought that I lost that $10 bill.  (i actually did find a 10 dollar bill in a book)  I was going to give it to Goodwill and something told me to flip through the book and I found a $10 dollar bill.  I am so grateful that my guardian angel told me to flip through the book. ...