My Blog

I have come to a realization that I may never get a chance to volunteer anywhere ever again or even go anywhere after Kamala Harris gets elected as president.  So, she will be in office another four years with Joe Biden.  Kamala may not do anything what she says she's going to do.  This is so depressing.  I don't know which is more depressing.  Having selective mutism or having a dumbass president who doesn't know what the hell she is doing!  I guess it's a toss-up in my situation. What does anyone else think about Kamala Harris as president of the United States.   I think as a woman, I wouldn't know what the hell to do!  I am not even interested in that shit!  I just know as a woman; I wouldn't know what the hell to do first.  

I have to get this the F over with and face my fears!  I want to find out if my SM is trauma-induced mutism?  I want to try something else.  Wait.....  is it trauma?  I know I was unable to talk to anyone in my family and outside of the house.  I know that I was afraid of my own father when I was say 3 to about 10.  But I think I was always afraid of him.  Someone that was really afraid of was Robert Young.  I may have walked into preschool at 2 or 3 years old and the first kid that teased or bullied me or I must have seen something that was really scary. Like that time on 11th street in Beaumont and Robert Young tried to push us kids out the door of Robert Young's car and I don't know if my sister was there with or not. My sister is 5 years older than me.  Anyway, there was a house there back in the late 70's. Maybe someone can back me up?  Did Robert Young do anything like that to anyone? Did he even try to scare his own kids?...

Even if I failed at living in an apartment one time, I could try again and do all the coping skills I have learned--like breathing exercises and showing the selective mutism card that I bought from a friend who made the SM card.  Now I can't even live in an apartment because I spend too much money and I can't sell the jewelry that I make.  I can't figure out why I can't sell it.  oh...  because if someone were to buy something and it somehow get into my bank account, OMG! I would be in so much trouble.   Even if I am unable to talk, I could try again.   Does that sound more positive?  Or is it negative?  

When I was three years old.  My grandmother told me about how I ran out to her car and said "I'll drive granmaw."  I was confident that I wanted to learn to drive. But when I turned 16, I couldn't learn to drive due to my SM. (severe anxiety disorder)   I'm not done with this blog yet.  

Let's see I have had bullying in the kindergarten all through to the fourth grade. Then I was pulled out of the 4th grade into a hospital in Galveston Texas. Texas Utmb children's hospital I think.  It's not there anymore.  Accidents was when I was too shy to ask to use the toilet.  And I am starting to remember something about this friend of my mom's Becky and Robert.  I was three years old and Us kids were at the store with Becky Young and someone pushed a shopping cart against me and I fell and I think the shopping cart fell on top of me and made me pee my pants because I remember my pants being wet.  Then I remember in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade--that I was too shy and way too anxious to ask to use the toilet and there would be accidents. And there was a restroom right in the classroom in 1st and 2nd grade. I had a friend that would help me out a lot in elementary school. Her name was Jennifer Ash.  Her friend Robin Hickman was my bodyguard of some...

Yes, I know how to read but this is going to sound strange.  I struggle with reading.  I mean I can't consentrate on the words when the words all run together.  And then yes, I know how to read but I don't know what I am reading.  That sounds so strange.  Now what is that mean?    Let me tell an example.  Jason struggles with reading and he has ADHD.  But does he understand?  Another example is AJ told me once that he struggles with reading and he once told me has ADHD.  I look at the example of Jason total asshole and then AJ a sweet caring man who has ADHD.  Now what does that tell you about people with ADHD?  You can control your symptoms of ADHD can you?   When I was five years old and for years after that, I would look at my parents and wonder where I got my selective mutism from.  I do wonder if my sister has anxiety but not as bad as mine as I have a severe anxiety disorder.  I think I am on the ...