My Blog

Reflect on a mistake you made and what you learned from the experience. I remember a mistake I made on December 20, 2012.  I should have stood up for myself and said that I wanted to stay in the apartment.  I could have told my parents I wanted to go into Cypress Creek Hospital in Houston.  Although I didn't know about it back then. My mom had told me back in 2012 that I did not have anxiety. When really selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder.  She does not take the time to anything about it--no one takes the time to read anything about selective mutism.  I really wanted to stay there. I could have worked something out.  I wonder if I can work something out now.  I have wasted so much time and I am so far behind my peers!  My life is screwed up because of me!  I should have just stood up for myself back in 2012.  But it seemed like it was impossible to stand up for myself since my mom had her mind all made up and that was it! My g...

  Well....  It all started in December 2009 when all hell broke lose. I started having anxiety/anger attacks.  I should have started working on myself then.  I should have just walked into a bookstore and walked into a section of books that transforming the self or called self-help.  I could have avoided all of that crap back in December 2012.  And now?  I can't even move out anymore.  I took too long to move out and now I have to help my mom and dad.  

I have noticed that I only give eye contact to the people that I know.  The that come up and talk to me like in a store or something I like look away and then answer their question all while spinning my anxiety ring around my finger. Oh that last time, I think I was in Walmart and Jason told me that someone was trying to talk to me but I swear to god I did not hear her because she was on the side that my ear clogged.  Oh ring goes with me everywhere with me except when I will have the colonoscopy.  I had two already. My first on was in April 2021. My second one was in August 2022. And my third colonoscopy will be in August 2024.   Just yesterday I put my pinky in my ear and out came some wax. Gross. But at least I can hear.  lol!  I bet if I went to the doctor and they got some hot water and sprayed in my ear and wax would pour right out of the same ear.  I believe that my ear clogging up has something to do with Auditory Processing Disorder. No, ...

What is one thing you could do to take better care of yourself? How can you add it into your daily routine?   I would start by cleaning up my diet. What is the best one? Going plant-based or gluten free?  But both can have pretty high sugar, salt and fat content. Ugh!  So that is out of the question.  I can't go Keto because that is a very high fat diet. So that to is out of the question.  I guess I could just go no sugar, low salt and very low carb. As we all know that carbohydrates turn into sugar in everyone's body.  ugh!  So I am back to square one of just cutting out sugar, salt and carbohydrates.  

This blog was from Monday January 18, 2024. It got messed up and I had to redo this whole blog. (Can you just get selective mutism? Selective mutism can start at any age, but most often starts in early childhood, between age 2 and 4. It's often first noticed when the child starts to interact with people outside their family, such as when they begin nursery or school.) I remember that I started to feel anxious when I was about 2 years old and when I went into preschool, I was feeling anxious. The reason that I didn't tell people that is because I could not literally speak to tell them that. Now that I gathered up some balls and courage to speak, no body wants to listen because they think that I won't speak. ugh! It started when I first started preschool. My mom said that shut up when I started kindergarten at Wilbanks Elm.(it is now the BISD office) Now when we go by that street or near Longfellow apartments, I will have memories or backflashes to when I was a kid...

I woke up really anxious if you can call it that.  I had a dream that I was on the verge of dying.  And I heard when you die, there was like nothin there. It is like the end. This is what I was thinking when I was three. Why would a three year old think of a scary thought like death?   Well in 2009, I started believing in angels and that angels who were posed as loved ones who have passed away recently which at the time in 2009 when my great aunt Nell passed away in 2005. I believed that she was watching over me.  I don't know if what I am saying is true or not.  It is just how my mind thinks and talks.  Now recently I have been dreaming and my granmaw and who I would have called granpaw. I have had dreams that granmaw and granpaw are visiting me in my dream.  I am unable to remember exactly what that said in my dream but it was something like 'everything will be okay' or 'you are meant to be exactly where you are'.  If I remember anymore, I ...