My Blog

Yes, I did keep a diary and a journal as a kid but I could never find my thoughts.  That selective mutism was a real pain in the ass!  LOL!   Whenever I tried to write, I could never find my thoughts.  Later down the road in my late 20's I kept a journal. I did a little better but it kinda wasn't true so I stopped.  When I was 38 I started another journal on Blogger and since then I have kept getting better at it and finding my thoughts.  So I started another journal on another site.  I didn't like that site and I kept on forgetting my password so I deleted it and went back to my main Google account on Blogger and since then I got better at it. And here I am today writing journal prompts here.   I have a journal prompt book coming to the Barnes and Noble store but they never called yet to say it was at the store.  

I dreamed last night that I saw my three-year-old self in a dream.  Okay, now I have to explain my statement?  How do I do that?  What happened?  Well all I saw was me playing with my cousin John or maybe it was Cody.  But Cody and his brother Jon disappeared along with their mother Brenda when Aunt Ida passed away.  I guess they were never blood-related but they are still cousins you see.  My Great-Aunt Ida adopted Brenda when she was what?  I guess I wasn't born yet as I didn't know that.  I didn't care I just knew that they are not a cousin blood-related or not.  You see?  It all goes back to this saying "I may have selective mutism, but I am certainly not stupid"!  I do hear things.  But in certain situations, I don't hear things.  Like if I am really comfortable, I speak in certain situations.  But if I am not comfortable, I absolutely for the life of me can't speak!     not done writing.

My sunflowers and vase dropped on the side of the refrigerator and it shattered all over the floor.  The flowers fell on the extension cord and unplugged everything. It did not unplug the fridge.   I guess when I was doing my tapping number, it fell beside the fridge when I didn't know I was doing that. Let me just demonstrate that tapping. lol!  Well, my dog got scared.    When we move outta here and someone sees that plug outlet, there will be lots of negative thoughts.  The thoughts about when people ask me what happened and I am unable to tell what happened and then leave stuff out because I forgot to tell something when someone else tells the story.  But I was the only one up here when that thing fell.  But people will still make things up as to what happened.  but I am still unable to tell the story because I am in tears because of the plug outlet got damaged because my sunflowers fell on it. Well, that is the way things go.  ...

Nothing makes me more anxious than when someone walks up and starts talking to me.  Oh man, that was really challenging.  Someone was driving in the parking lot at H.E.B. and asked me for money to get some food.  At first, I couldn't understand them at all then Mom piped up and said no. Tell them no 'mam.  Coming from the southeast I was brought up with people trying to teach me to say Yes, mam or Yes, sir.    I didn't I always felt not right saying that.  I always felt like doing my own thing.  Like marching to the beat of my own drum.  Back to the HEB parking lot.  I couldn't say anything because something in that amygdala said to me and it was coming in all at once and all jumbled up and it made it look like the people in the car were not making any sense. So because of that auditory processing, I couldn't hear what she was saying to me because everything was coming in at once.  In short, she made me really anxious.  That is...

I am not happy where I live and I would like to live somewhere else.  If I can get mom and dad to move somewhere else which they won't.  They will end up staying here until they are unable to take care of the house or until they go into a nursing home.  I want to move before then. But how am I going to move my own stuff?  No one will want to move stuff out of here.  I haven't figured that out yet how am I going to move and move my stuff too.  Or just..............It's a money issue.  I can't.  Jason thinks that I ran down the hall at the other apartment complex. Well maybe I did, and I don't want to try to argue with him because he will always win!!! 

My biggest fear would be that when 

When I was a little girl in kindergarten, my class went to the library and I remember the librarian said something like "she likes all the who am I books."  Well it was either I am or Who am I books and I would go right to that section of the library at Wilbanks Elementary School and I was about 5 years old.  Wilbanks Elm is now the BISD office. For how long? I don't know.  All I know is that I got pulled out of the 4th grade at Wilbanks elm school and had to go into a mental hospital in Galveston.   I met Jennifer Ash, (she has a different last name now) but anyways I met Jennifer in the 2nd grade.  Jennifer and I made a cassette tape together.  I had the tape for a long time but after Hurricane Harvey, it disappeared.  Well anyways, me, Jennifer and couple of kids from school and some kids from around the apartment, we  were running around Longfellow Apartment.  Longfellow Apartment used to be the happening place to live and now. ...