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I don't know.  I guess I should start by cleaning up my diet. Then doing some exercises that get my blood pumping and the endorphins flowing in and out and around me.  Any suggestions on anything else?  

This is my Journal prompt for Monday, May 1, 2023. I keep asking myself how will my sister and aunt answer this question and I came to a conclusion. I have no idea. What will you do today to work towards the life you want? I just want to be able to make decisions. It really doesn't have to be about my mental and physical health. Actually, help me take care of my money but the only thing is you need to include me in your conversations about me instead of just talking about me like I'm not in the room. Growing up, I wanted to do everything like my older sister. Everything she wanted, I wanted. Well, to an extent. I think this sounds like sibling rivalry. When Karin learned how to drive, I wanted to learn. When she got a boyfriend, I wanted one. Then so on, like when she got married I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I wanted to be married and have a husband. We were in the car taking Jason home and a conversation of marriage came up. I didn't know, all I could sa...

When I got up this morning, I saw #Happy (babygirl) playing with a dead squirrel in the backyard.  She had killed it.  Then Sophie picked it up and brought it into the house and dropped it in the kitchen. She went onto the bed. I thought she had dropped it onto the bed.  I know Mom would have wanted to change the sheets on the bed because I didn't think she wanted to sleep on a bed that Sophie dropped a squirrel on. Actually she dropped the dead squirrel on the the kitchen floor by the table. In turn, Happy killed a squirrel and Sophie brought it in.  Ugh! Disgusting Happy!  But Cats will be cats and dogs have to listen to their owners.  Sophie doesn't listen to my parents--the real owners but Sophie listens to me.  Sophie will end up being mine anyway when they decide to go into a nursing home.   Just yesterday, I was looking at my dad and I thought he is getting old and noticed that is losing his hair. Oh, I almost cried.  It's hard to...

Why does everyone call me a spoiled little brat just because I have Selective mutism? All just because he thinks i have had a silver spoon stuck up my ass all of these years. Meaning that I have been living with my parents since I graduated high school. Maybe I just haven't grown up yet?   :(      I just makes me wanna run off and see what I am really made of. Can I really make it on my own or do I need some kind of protective assistance? I forgot what it's called. Not assisted living but..... I just thought of that word. It's supported living.  On scale of one to ten ten being the worsed and one none at all...... it would be an 8. I feel like I can never do anything due to selective mutism.   It is almost 1am and I'm still up.  9:05 on Sunday April 30, 2023 - Well I finally fell asleep at about 1:30am.  Well, I guess I have to prove to my dad that I can live alone in my own apartment.  And I know what he's thinking.........it bette...

Selective mutism holds me back from doing what I want. Well not selective mutism persay, but more like me not talking is more like it.  Just like why would I elect to not speak at all?  I want to speak. Just getting the words to come out is hard.  But hanging around Jason, I'm just starting to stick my foot in my mouth.  Just like the big belly. I got the big belly from hanging out with Jason all these years and I may have gotten hoof and mouth disease when I was hanging out with Jason for 26 or 27 years.  Do I?  Quite honestly I think I do say the wrong thing and stick my foot in my mouth quite often.  Sometimes it's more inappropriate and comes out as being rude.   What is that often called?  

I always look forward to exercising every day. It makes me feel so good when I get sore from a great workout!  I love all those endorphins that run in and out and around me.  But when I work out hard, I always gain weight at the end of the week.  It is so depressing that it makes me gain weight.  Those thoughts just make me want to just cry!!!  Especially if anyone else makes fun of my weight and when I gain.   Well can't think of anything else to say right now.  I will come back later and finish. 

I am trying to figure out what the reason for my hand and foot tapping is and I have come to a conclusion. It is simply a habit.  But on this wheel around "auditory processing difficulties", why do I see ASD, ADD and ADHD?  huh? I am listening. Is it that people who have ADHD or ASD or ADD also have auditory processing difficulties too?  Also the real problem is people who have selective mutism also have ADHD and or high-functioning autism.  That is the weird part.  All three are completely separate diagnosis.  Here is a picture of the wheel I found.  It is below the search picture. I have auditory processing difficulties.  Anxiety and Depression came with selective mutism.  Anxiety, Depression, and rest of them are just overlapping disorders around each other.  I have read something about ADHD and selective mutism on www.selectivemutism.org and on another site called www.selectivemutismcenter.org.  I just wanted to know what the ha...