My Blog

Ugh! My cold started out as a sore throat.  Then it got worse and then a runny nose came flooding in and now a cough.  The cough just starting hanging around. All this time I thought it was allergies and that damn tree pollen.  Since I am a big believer in meditations for physical health symptoms. So when I got home from the doctor, I went to youtube and typed in "upper respiratory infections meditations".  I am listening to it now. So no wonder I wasn't able to exercise for a few days.  I was not feeling good.  I could not breath, I was coughing more.  Ugh! First I had a problem with my bottom end well my lower left abdominal was hurting. The emergency room gave me antibiotic and one of the side effects was loose stools.  Now I have a problem with my upper body the top end. The nurse practitioner gave me a antibiotic and inhaler to get rid of the wheezing. Yes I told her I had wheezing. Actually I knew what wheezing was and I recognized it as whe...

Yeah, I just figured it out. Okay, here is what I think. He came into my life to I think to teach me stuff. Well originally to um... well I better no. That is our I mean that is our secret. I know I don't tell the whole story. I want to tell the whole but I am not sure how.  I guess this is something that I have to do myself.  People have given me a lot of reasons why he abandoned me.  One person told me that he is a player. My sister and my mother both have said that we were dating sort of.   Well that enough about him.  He's in Arizona planning a wedding with Jennifer his fiance.  I wish him the best of luck with him and Jennifer.   I'm still writing...

This anxiety is saying that someone else is trying to say to me that if I keep being negative someone will cut me off and stop talking to me all together like someone else that I know. *sigh* I had no friends to begin with. Now it will be even harder for me to make friends in the future. Since I am negative, people hate me like they hate Jason!!! But oh well. I brought it upon myself.

Anxious thoughts. Fearing something could go wrong. (and i was right most of the time) Saying something that could offend someone. Getting stuck on public transportation. Forgetting to do something important. (this may sound really dumb when it is me) Wondering if your loved ones are upset with you. Looking stupid in a social setting. Feeling anxious about being anxious.

List three things that scare you the most, and the reasons why. I am probably the most scared that I'll get in trouble for well not for going for a walk but for another thing that I'm most afraid of. 

Why can't I spend up to 1,000 dollars just to get better from this selective mutism? Because they have a better idea........... watching me suffer from selective mutism. :'( Do you have any idea how much I want to start a conversation with anyone in the world? Well, I keep remembering a time when we were taught about strangers and I probably stopped talking altogether. You know that song "Don't talk.... To strangers". Okay maybe the song was called something else. But I thought it was called "Don't talk to strangers" because of that auditory issue. It is like my brain is deaf but I can hear just fine. It's just that the sounds get all jumbled up. Which in turn was auditory processing disorder. https://youtu.be/8GDBARJR_ZY If I was normal, would I be able to probably not?

When I was watching this video, I almost cried.  Today I had the same thoughts when I was three back in the 1980s at my Grandmother's old house.  I went on google maps to see what it looked and oh my god. It looked like crap.  It looked like a dump!  It looked good when Granmaw lived there.   So anyway. This video triggered my days when I was 3 three years old.  Back then I kept asking my three-year-old self "What will happen to us when we die?"  The more I asked my three-year-old self that question the more scared I got.  Who would tell a 3-year-old child what happens to us when we die?  I felt the fear and if I could see it in my eyes I would have been in tears. But I sucked up my tears and never said anything because I didn't know how to tell this and how it scared me.  Now I finally found a video that would explain it. I was so frightened that night I spent the night at my grandmother's house  :'(  I think I found what...