My Blog

When do you feel the world stop?  (writing prompts from JournalBuddies.com)  Writing prompts helps me when I'm really anxious.  Is this a trauma post?  or is it a trigger post?  or could my selective mutism could have been triggered into stop speaking? or maybe it could be triggered to when I was at the age when I was taught about strangers? And I literally stopped speaking.  Both situations, I am so sorry this happened. I did mean to get this. Now I'm trying to heal from selective mutism.  I did feel the world stop when I was three years old.  I was in my grandmother's house spending the night with her when the world just stopped.  I was sitting on grandmaw's sofa in her house.  I got scared and thought that I was going to die.  Why would a three-year-old die?  Why would a three-year-old think about death and dying?  Unless someone around me was talking about death and dying? Or I could have been a little mixed up at age ...

Everyone knows that your subconscious mind is your inner child right?  She was trying to tell me that she was wounded as a child and the adults around her was not aware of it. I would like to dive deeper into that and find out. But EMDR thing would have shown that.   I wonder if I can be hypnotized into overcoming selective mutism?  Then find out if I was traumatized as a child resulting in selective mutism.  I saw a video on youtube. It was like the one I just posted with the title " https://pamelaw25.blogspot.com/2023/02/thursday-february-23-2023-selective.html ".    

This video might be right that selective mutism might have caused trauma. I think that have that backward.  Trauma might have caused my selective mutism.   There was a death in the family when I was three. I think when I was 4 or 5 my parents got divorced. Dad was living with new girlfriend but come to find out a few months later he wasn't interested in her anymore.   So I may have selective mutism but I am certainly not stupid!  In fact, that is on my main Facebook profile. Yes,  I have two Facebook profiles.  That is all I know.  man, it would be nice to have someone else listen to this video and tell me if it is like me or somewhat like what my situation is as far as selective mutism. Or it would be nice to have someone listen to this who has a brain that can hear it. I have auditory processing disorder and that is like my brain can't hear.  Well I can hear with my ears but it comes out to me all jumbled. So it is like my brain can't ...

Everyone knows that your inner child is your subconscious mind. Is it?  How do I reconnect with or heal my inner child if it has wounds? Which I'm pretty sure it does.  You know the negative thoughts or negative programming that people usually by those we know that don't realize that they say negative things to us?  If there was any negative thoughts or programming that people that I know said things to me when I was young, would I remember it?  I want to dive deeper into this and find and heal my inner child.  

https://youtu.be/VS-ZBQRSiIk We all who have selective mutism an extreme anxiety disorder were taught not to speak to strangers. Well It was how maybe that I was taught not to speak to strangers. But what would make me not speak with my relatives? And maybe that was a trauma for me.

His name slipped my mind again. Anyway, he prescribed me on a another anxiety medication called Hydroxyzine.  I was wondering if it was also a sleeping pill?  So I won't take the melatonin anymore. But, If I don't take the melatonin, I end up screaming halfway through the night and scaring the shit out of myself.  If I take melatonin, I don't scream and in turn I don't scare the shit out of myself.   Last night Friday February 17---when I screamed and woke myself up, a bright light was on. No not the kind of light that was my lamp and not the my TV. But a different kind of light. That is the light that scared the hell out of me.  The kind of light that when we go up into heaven. Just what I have seen on TV about "the light". 

Write down three things that you like about yourself. 1.)  I like my butt. 2.)  I like that I can make jewelry for people and give them away to people. But if I can sell them that will be great.  3.)  I like that I can bake baked goods and give them away to people.