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I hear the heater kicking on downstairs and it's kind of chilly up here. I feel my body sinking into the chair and my arm kind of hurts from where I was lifting 6 to 8 pound weights. Then I feel the center of my foot hurts where I walk on it.  It is probably foot faucitis but that is beside the point.  I feel the christmas fudge that I just ate in my mouth. It is creamy and delicious and smooth chocolate.   As you meditate you quiet your mind and you are able to think as you journal and write things down. I have been practicing meditation since AJ suggested it. Then one day I was playing around with my tablet and typed in a meditation app in Google play store. I thought I would try it. AJ did suggest that I try meditation. He told me that he said he did tell me to try meditation. I thank you AJ you are sweet to suggest meditation to me. I love you but as friend. If you want anything more you will have to make the first move and let me know what he's doing.  Grat...

When is it going to be my time to be happy?  When is it going to be my time to succeed?  When is it going to be my time to be on my own?  I guess when I can calm my own self down from a panic/anxiety attack or anger attack.  But according to Jason, I can't do that and apparently neither can Jason.   I need to do this.  Okay, in 2024, when everything has calmed down from stupid Biden from being president the last two years.  Then I can if everything has come down in prices.  What about food in stores.   I have a hypothetical question.  What would you do if I dated a black man?  I can't see what the big deal is.  I have three cousins on my dad's side who is dating a black man.  Well one is married to a black man and two are dating a black man.  And two of my cousins had babies by a black man.  It's no big deal as long as they love each other and they get along that is all that matters.     ...

When I think about all the colors of the rainbow, I always go back to yellow.  It always boosts my  positivity because it is so bright and cheerful.  It was my favorite color when I was about 3 years old.  I guess the color boosts my positivity as well as self-esteem when I was three.  It was probably why I was so positive when I was about 3 to about 10 years old.  When I was about 5, my dad built me a yellow bike.  I called it my yellow porsche.  It was in the late 70's and of course it had a banana seat.   When I was three years old I told my mom I wanted a yellow porsche, a white cat and yellow house. I probably said it in this form "I will get a white cat, yellow porche and a yellow house."   Well, I got the white cat. I never got the yellow porsche or the house.     So yeah, I do like yellow a little bit but more of a sunflower yellow!!!   

Last night I dreamed I had a visitor.  It was granmaw.  She sent me a message.  She sent message that you can live in your own apartment so just go for it.  But then again no one knows that there is a money shortage in this day and age.  I do have an affirmation that I say and it's about money, but not sure that it can be true.  It is impossible to even think that.  Yeah, but I love affirmations.  But it is impossible to think because it is all in the mind.  I guess if I really believe in those affirmations and really love them, I can make those things come true.  Then Jason can really be jealous.  He says he isn't jealous but in reality he is somewhat jealous of me.  

Jason said that Goodwill is hiring?   Bullshit!!!  I call bullshit!!! They would probably make me anxious anyway. 

I have a question.  Why do I cry for no reason? or even why do I feel like crying for no reason?  How do I get the hell over it?  Because then if someone sees me and asks me why I have tears in my eyes I can't answer because I don't know the reason.   I think it could be menopause and yes, I can't forget anxiety. Women living with anxiety disorders is much worse for women going through menopause. 10 times worse. 

What is your happiest memory? My happiest memory is between spending the night with my granmaw when I was about 3 years old or spending the day with Nana--my dad's step-mother and taking care of and playing with her kittens. My earliest memory was when I spent the night with my granmaw at 3 years old.  Why did I think I suggested  we play Bert and Earney---is because Granmaw had to twin beds in her blue room.  The walls were painted blue.  I remember Granmaw would read a book before she went to sleep.  I think she would read to me when I was 3 but not real sure.     101 Gratitude Journal Prompts for Daily Thankfulness - Happier Human