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I hope that I'm saying this right.  AJ messaged me after 10 years.  Well after the last time we talked and that was in 2014.  After the last time he got arrested and I hope that it wasn't AJ's fault?  I love him as a friend but I don't want him to get in trouble with the police.  He told me once that for the most part I kept him calm.  He kept me calm for the most part.  Now I too afraid to message AJ.  I am afraid that he will bite my head off if I do. Yeah, I haven't been afraid to message him before all this.  I have been given good advice from one of my other Facebook friends that I should just leave well enough alone until AJ comes to me first.  I am really sorry that I texted him talking about him.  There was something else but I forgot that part.  AJ said that she has three teenage boys with autism and she is pregnant with a 4th baby.  I would ask but I'm afraid to ask.  I wondered what were his plans but was a...

Well, that was an adult thing to say. I am so done with you. I hope he's done with me. I will be there as a friend if he needs me.  That was an adult thing to say if I do say so myself!  We are not good for each other either.  So the best thing for me is to stay here in this house.   So I guess that is the first step to getting my own apartment ehh?  Except for the money situation.   This is a time for an affirmation.  I have money coming to me at the right time and space sequence.   No, I'm not judging AJ.  I never judged him.   I am simply explaining that the best thing for me is to just stay here for right now until I start acting like an adult.  An example would be this blog post.  

This relationship is over because my mom told me no I couldn't meet him.  She will never remember ever saying that to me because she has a terrible memory!!!  So I will try to forget I even said that.  I want my best friend back. But how do I get him back?!  I have no one that I can really speak to.  He really is afraid of me now?  

I know why she said no. It is because she doesn't want to take care of another friend boy of mine.  Please correct me if I'm wrong.  That AJ said that I was his girl.  That works out perfectly because he's my man and I want to make him mine.  Even if mom and dad say no.  So I get to do anything I want to when I turn 50?  Okay.   Everyone else can do whatever the hell they want to and they have either ADHD or they have autism or both. I am the one who has to ask permission to breathe!!!! 

Does AJ even like talking to me anymore? What does he have planned so far with me? 👍🏻🤗🥰😍😍😘

Hey, I'm going to start this out by initiating a talk but I'm afraid that I will get angry and self-harm when or if this talk happens.  Like I said, I am afraid that I will get angry and self-harm. :'(   I know why they won't let me date AJ. It's because I have known Jason longer. Now why can't I just date AJ?  I am not going to tell anyone else what he takes for his anxiety.  I will just keep that between me and AJ.  Just don't ask what it is, please. But I will tell you this.  It is legal.  

What if someone were to ask me to go to Nevada with him?  What if I wanted to go?  What would you do?  Would you say hell no and won't let me go?  or Would you let me go with him to Nevada after meeting him?  I know what mom would say..... let's talk about this later!  When is the right time to talk about this?   I know what she would say is that I could be a little more careful about meeting people online. Too late, I have already fallen hard for him.  I love him.   What if she knew that I knew exactly what I was doing?  I was having my fun!!!  What?  Is my fun just about over? or is my life just starting at 50?  Am I allowed to meet him or what?  What if I already knew how to act but the anxiety was just making me act shall we say weird?  I was watching a youtube video on how anxiety or how social anxiety makes me act.  Selective mutism is in the category of social anxiety.  This is why I do...