My Blog

First off, one two Jason's coming for you, three four lock your door, five six grab your crucifix, seven eight gonna stay up late, nine ten never sleep again.  Well, Freddy Krueger died because Jason killed him.  LOL!  No, just joking. I don't know what happened to him.  I keep having these Anxiety Attacks is because Jason keeps saying stuff to me about my "basketball belly" (laugh and I'll deck ya. lol)  And that is where the anxiety attacks start.  Last night I was shaky and heavy breathing. Or it could be that I am not eating right and eating junk?  :'(   So I dont know where the anxiety attacks are coming from? Now that is just the anxiety talking that I'm afraid that what people might say what my anxiety attacks are caused from.  It's hard for me to say what they are caused from.  What I think my anxiety attacks are caused from is people telling me that my stomach is too big and I need to lose weight and fast!  I can't los...

Last I was kinda anxious and this morning I am kinda shaky from last night.  I will write something more later.  I have trouble putting my thoughts out there to say this yes, even in words on paper and on screen.  :'(  Is there anything that will help me with expressing my feelings more?  

I have been struggling with the past couple of days.  I had an anxiety attack on Monday and not real sure what caused it.  Can an anxiety attack come on too quickly and without warning?  

When I was walking with weights with Paula b fitness on YouTube, well--- I don't know if it was an anxiety attack but I felt like my feet were slipping out from under me and I felt like I was going to die. Does that sound like an anxiety attack?  

I am noticing that I can speak easier but with a mask on.  There is only one problem.  No one can hear or understand what I am saying as I have a mask on.       

I voted for Trump but a little bit of me is hoping Biden will win. Trump has a plan but does Biden? Biden does not have a plan. Trump did more than the other past presidents did! That is why I voted for Trump. There is that anxiety whipping my ass! :'(  That SM (anxiety) is through the roof right now! 😢😢😢 A bit later I had another panic attack or anxiety attack or whatever you call it.  Well something popped up on my computer about a 39-year-old woman who got struck by a train.  Well I clicked on it and guess what. It triggered a panic attack.   My biggest fear is being in a car and the train hits the car when it is stopped at a red light in the middle of the train tracks.  :'(  I just want to burst into tears after I get the hell out of the car and run like hell with whoever is with me.  :'(     

I dreamed that went to college in Florida and it was incredibly difficult and challenging for me but I liked it because i never would give up.  I woke up to go pee and thought damn! I'm too old to travel now. No actually I may be either too young or no money as no one understands Selective Mutism quite yet. When people do start to understand Selective Mutism I will be dead! I 😢😢😢 No matter how much weight we all lose, I think people will always consider me overweight in the past because I was overweight for most of my life. Well I was skinny in my 20's but that was because I starved myself. Then in my 30's, I started gaining this big huge pot belly because I was leaning back as I walk. When I started meditation, I started noticing how I was walking. I was walking with a bend back and my belly out. That is not good when I start doing that!!! :'(