Sunday July 12, 2026 | Journal Prompt | My SM Journey

 

Let's start when I was about 2 years old.  Did I speak?  Did I speak to family members or cousins?  I remember my mom telling me that I spoke to my uncle at two years old.  I said, "are you comfortable?"  I did speak in a 2 year old voice.  As most two years olds tend to be I didn't think that I pronounced words right.  Okay, If I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I was 5 and then my great grandmother passed away. Everyone called her little mama except me.  I called her big mama. It made her mad though.  Think about it how adults look to 2, 3, or even a 4 year old little person I once was.  You can understand how a little person would call someone big.  I did not mean that she was fat I guess that was how she took it.  OKay. I was 5 and I was diagnosed with selective mutism, my sister's best friend's dog bit me and I think my great grandmother passed away.  It was probably the dog bite and the passing of my great-grandmother. Oh and I got my tonsils taken out when I was 5.  That could have added to the and plus the dog bite and plus my great-grandmother.  Just scared me that's all.  But what would explain me thinking about death when I was 3 years old? Well, my three year old self was standing by my grandmaw's couch and was thinking what if I was gone there would be nothing left.  You wanna know how I got myself out of that?  No one told me anything but I just told myself, "In the moment, right now"  Then I took a deep breath and told myself again.   Question:  would that right then trigger anxiety and somehow turn into selective mutism which I was later diagnosed at 5 years old?