Saturday, April 16, 2022 | What if?

What if someone were to ask me to go to Nevada with him?  What if I wanted to go?  What would you do?  Would you say hell no and won't let me go?  or Would you let me go with him to Nevada after meeting him?  I know what mom would say..... let's talk about this later!  When is the right time to talk about this?   I know what she would say is that I could be a little more careful about meeting people online. Too late, I have already fallen hard for him.  I love him.  

What if she knew that I knew exactly what I was doing?  I was having my fun!!!  What?  Is my fun just about over? or is my life just starting at 50?  Am I allowed to meet him or what?  What if I already knew how to act but the anxiety was just making me act shall we say weird?  I was watching a youtube video on how anxiety or how social anxiety makes me act.  Selective mutism is in the category of social anxiety.  This is why I don't like to go anywhere where I might act weird or act immature because of anxiety? If that makes any sense?    I think that mom thinks of me as a kid no matter what my physical age is just because I am 5 years younger than my sister.  I think that I have learned to deal with it or at least I'm trying to learn to deal with it.  It's hard to deal with it.  :'(  

Here is a video I found. I think it's a lot like how I am?  Is it a lot like how I am?  Here is the video:

https://youtu.be/SBPQdvRF9g0

I don't really understand people when they talk or I don't really get the point of what they said and stuff.  So I pretend that I do so that I don't have to ask them to repeat themselves because they really don't want to have to say things three times to me. So yeah, I just pretend that I understand them. :'(  It is so frustrating that I can't understand or get the point of what people say.  When people are in a group and someone makes a comment, tells a joke or tells a story. I can't understand it because of my auditory processing disorder.  It's so frustrating!!!  WTH does that even mean?