My Blog

Most people don't think about an old mattress that is causing body aches and pains.  I am not most people.  I don't want to rule out anything!  To me, it could be either one or two of four things or all of them at once.   1.) My workouts 2.) Anxiety 3.) Menopausal symptoms 4.) My old mattress I just don't know which one or two things it is.  Or it could be a little bit of all four mixed up into one big pain.  But do most people when they have body aches and pains are little bit moody from their body aches and pains?  I don't know.  Like I said I don't want to rule out anything.   Oh I just thought of a 5 thing.  Muscle tension.  I looked up neck and shoulder pain.  Oh and 6 thing is join pain. Join pain from old age or menopause.  Ugh!  I do stretches ever morning and that helps a little bit.  Maybe someone can help me recognize these body aches and pains are coming from.   I DO NOT WANT TO RULE OU...

I have a very simple life with a very complex anxiety disorder called selective mutism.  I don't think that it was really ever treated properly.  Why? No one really even knows why.  It costs over 1,000 dollars to treat, and no one wants to pay that or no one wants to let me pay that much.  It is too much of a hassle anyway.  Everything is too much of a hassle because everything is a pretty much a scam these days.  Oh I forgot one thing....... Jason also says that my parents think selling jewelry is too much of a hassle.  Okay now what does he know.  All I know is that no one can get inside of another person's head!!!!  That is just stupid!  Although people try to get inside of my head all the time.  I wonder if that is possible to do. To get inside a selective mutes head.  I wonder if it's possible to do a hypnosis on me for me to overcome selective mutism a little bit.  I know that there will be little bit of the effects ...

I say what makes me feel calm and safe is writing in my blog, listening to music, reading and meditation. I love listening to NKOTB first and foremost. I love listening to Mindful Movement on YouTube. 

I wanted to do this prompt but I needed more room than what the book gave.  Well, that is the thing.  I want to forget it and erase it altogether but also at the same time I would like to go to a different place as I have cards and more information about selective mutism.   I would like to erase 2009 through 2012.  It all started when I got Jordan back in May 2012.  So far it was about the dog.  Then people kept telling different stories why I was moved out of there.  Jason told me that was running down the hall screaming and with my shirt off.  I would never take off my shirt and go out into the hallway! Ugh!  What an asshole!  Then in December Jason came over and tried to put a anti-virus on my computer and he kept yelling at the computer and it was pretty loud.  After that and that was two days later, my grandmother was in the hospital on her deathbed.  I became really anxious.  My mom went down the nurses office t...

Everyone that makes earrings and bracelets and is making videos about their bracelets and earrings and they are getting paid from youtube.  I'm sitting over here like my mom is saying if you sell something and something gets in the bank besides your SS check, there will be like hell to pay. The IRS will come well not after me but they will come after my mom and dad because they are my guardians and they take care of anything that has to do with my money.   And Jason be sitting over there like you can't make money because all your jewelry looks like a 5 year old made it!  ugh!   Then there are those idiots who put a join button next to there name on youtube.  That is really stupid especially if they don't even ask their parents, husbands, wives or even siblings or whoever they live with permissions and if they can make money from youtube.  I accept the answer as a no but those other people who are so selfish and want money so bad that they do it ev...

We may all have dreams, but we also have to listen to mom and dad.  As they all say, they know what is best for us right?  So I have learned to truly listen to what they have to say for years and years.  So how do we believe in ourselves?  I also want to share positivity with the world but people don't think that I have the right words to say.  People don't think that it would be worth it to read my stuff as it would be wasting their time and energy.   I'm not finished yet.  Just saving......

Jason told me that I was screaming in my sleep.  I don't believe him.  I want to know if I am really unaware that I am screaming in my sleep.  Now I know where I am getting this sh*t because my dad full on yells in his sleep.  One time mom said that my dad actually raised his hand/arm in his sleep. Ohh that would be horrible if actually hit someone or something.  Here is something from Mayo Clinic that I found.  I only go to the .org websites.   Sleep terrors (night terrors) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic Finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own . seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to. finding it hard to say how you feel. taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg"" The phrase "break a leg"? Honestly, well when I first heard it, it didn't register in my brain because I didn't know the meaning and plus I was too afraid to ask. ...