My Blog

I don't think that it's fair to me that I have to suffer without a shower.  I don't think my shower is anyway connected to my parents shower.  I believe that warm shower or bath that I have will remove any toxins that might be trigging me.  That is my honest opinion about taking a shower or bath.  We need to leave this house but the problem is we all don't have enough money to sell this house as it is.  So we just have to stay put.   So I am afraid that the problems about this house we live in could be triggering me?  Can it be a trigger?   Then I believe I got food poisoning from week old salad. It still looked good and it didn't look wilted or slimy or anything. And my mom thought the salad looked good after a week too. Dodo head! Yes, I called my mom a dodo head.  LOL!  But that is a joke.  I don't mean that.  Well I call my sister a Turkey butt (but inside my head) everytime I she does something that I don't like...

I was going to start off with time management but then I thought "I need to work on self-awareness.  So what is the first thing to do to work on self-awareness?  Right along with that I will work on self-confidence and self-esteem.  

What makes me unique?  I was going to say selective mutism but that would be besides the point.  So what makes me unique is that I can make bracelets, earrings, and necklaces and finding gold or sterling silver chains on Walmart's site or ebay.  What really makes me unique is that I can exercise for two hours and still have a lot of energy.  I love write journal prompts like this one right here.  

What matters to you? What would you say are your top values? I would have to say Patience, creativity, and writing journal prompts. I developed patience when I was diagnosed with selective mutism. Creativity is when I can make jewelry and writing journal prompts is where I can really express myself without people judging my words. I'm still writing.

I have come to a realization that I may never get a chance to volunteer anywhere ever again or even go anywhere after Kamala Harris gets elected as president.  So, she will be in office another four years with Joe Biden.  Kamala may not do anything what she says she's going to do.  This is so depressing.  I don't know which is more depressing.  Having selective mutism or having a dumbass president who doesn't know what the hell she is doing!  I guess it's a toss-up in my situation. What does anyone else think about Kamala Harris as president of the United States.   I think as a woman, I wouldn't know what the hell to do!  I am not even interested in that shit!  I just know as a woman; I wouldn't know what the hell to do first.  

I have to get this the F over with and face my fears!  I want to find out if my SM is trauma-induced mutism?  I want to try something else.  Wait.....  is it trauma?  I know I was unable to talk to anyone in my family and outside of the house.  I know that I was afraid of my own father when I was say 3 to about 10.  But I think I was always afraid of him.  Someone that was really afraid of was Robert Young.  I may have walked into preschool at 2 or 3 years old and the first kid that teased or bullied me or I must have seen something that was really scary. Like that time on 11th street in Beaumont and Robert Young tried to push us kids out the door of Robert Young's car and I don't know if my sister was there with or not. My sister is 5 years older than me.  Anyway, there was a house there back in the late 70's. Maybe someone can back me up?  Did Robert Young do anything like that to anyone? Did he even try to scare his own kids?...

Even if I failed at living in an apartment one time, I could try again and do all the coping skills I have learned--like breathing exercises and showing the selective mutism card that I bought from a friend who made the SM card.  Now I can't even live in an apartment because I spend too much money and I can't sell the jewelry that I make.  I can't figure out why I can't sell it.  oh...  because if someone were to buy something and it somehow get into my bank account, OMG! I would be in so much trouble.   Even if I am unable to talk, I could try again.   Does that sound more positive?  Or is it negative?