My Blog

I struggle with being resilient, creative and compassionate with either myself and other people.  I struggle with all of these except with being Patient.  I learned being patient by having selective mutism.  I also struggle with being creative, ambitious and honest.  I guess Jason told me that I do not have integrity.  I know I can't make promises that I know that I don't intend to keep.  I say that is the most honesty thing I said right now.  

I had a feeling of shortness of breath for about 40 minutes. Well my depression was up to about 6 and the anxiety was and considering did have shortness of breath I would say that it was 10.  Then I stood up to take Nicki out to pee and thought I had peed myself. But I knew what it was I knew I didn't peed myself. It was just that I had started again. Well I hadn't had a period since the end of November. I skipped December and January and now it's February 7. Yep that's right I got my period in February. 

Can extreme levels of anxiety including people with extreme anxiety (for example selective mutism) lead to borderline diabetic or full blown diabetes?   Right now the the anxiety is at a 10!   Um!!! What I wrote below kinda got on Facebook. 👀 Can anyone else formulate their thoughts 💭 into words? So I guess it is normal to not be able to formulate their thoughts into words. Don't you dare say that I get on that Internet and start reading stuff that is not true. Because I felt this way when I was five years old. That was way back before there was even Internet!!!  I know it is kinda weird for a five year old to think she is unable to formulate her thoughts into words. Think about it why do you think everyone looked at me all crazy and called me weird all those years ago. Hmm? This was the reason why I am unable to speak 1) anxiety and 2) because I am unable to formulate my thoughts into words. I know this may sound ridiculous you but oh well. Well it's kinda to...

Something got me worried. Well my doctor has got me scared of developing diabetes. Plus it runs in my family. My grandpaw had it and passed away from it. He passed away right before I was born. He was going up into heaven while I was going down. My mom well told me. So it almost like we passed one another on the way up or down from heaven.  Jason says that I born dying. Once you get diabetes, you have it for life.  Please tell me that is not true. 

 

When I first noticed this snorting tic, it was in the spring of 2018 and it was snorting. It's almost like it sounds like I'm clearing my throat.  There is another tic that I do that is even more annoying. I can't explain it though unless it's on video.  I find myself doing that at least every five minutes.   There is a trick I hearned.  It's the 5,4,3,2,1 meditation. It's for anxiety but it could work for other things since people with tics need to relax more anyway. My doctor (in Houston) has said it was something like Tourettes but it wasn't Tourettes. What did he say it was that it was like Tourettes but it wasn't Tourettes?  How many G__ D___ tic disorders are out there?  Well anyway, here is the meditation.  Does it or does it not sound like I have Tourettes Syndrome?  Well the only cursing I do is saying the word SHIT.  Sometimes another word slips out. The mother of all curse words. If I am around people I can speak comfortably w...