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I am in the very start of menopause. Yesterday I had my very first hot flash twice on Friday December 15.  One at Old Navy store in the mall and one at home. In Old Navy I thought I was having a panic attack because I thought I was going to literally die! Ugh! Could it have been both?  Plus I am having FULL BODY PAIN from head all the way down to my toes. EVERY SQUARE INCH OF MY MUSCLES ARE HURTING! Plus I get to doing something and I forget to eat and I crave carbs when I should be cutting them out.  Should I be cutting out carbs?  Carbs turn into sugar in your body. Even my hands and my feet hurt. My thighs. My arms. My neck. You name it---it hurts there. I still think it is muscle tension from my selective mutism. I heard from anxietycentre.com that if you have an anxiety disorder and a woman in menopause, it will be 10 times worse. Is that really true? The muscles hurting is almost like I have been working out for about 2 weeks with out any rest days. Ugh 😩

Today....... I lost 1.2 pounds. I guess I can say yesterday I got rid of some mental trash. It felt good to get rid of it. It is in my self-care journal. 

I don't know, I have never taken a leap of faith before.  First off, what does it mean to take a leap of faith?  I don't understand the concept.  

I have only heard a one sided conversation between my mom and my sister. So I don't know what they are talking about. But I knew they were talking about dad.  I also know that I would be triggered into a panic attack.  Also I hope that dad is not getting Dementia.  How did this all happen?  I am having to take care of the animals.  Oh and I did tell Nicki, Sophie, Lucky-Love and Happy a secret.  I am just sad.  I got so anxious and Nicki nor Sophie or Happy was around to let me pet or pick them up so I petted Lucky-Love.  You see? I'm not going to tempt picking up Lucky-Love because I know how she feels about being anxious or nervous in situations.   Like I said, I don't know but a one sided conversations between my sister and my mom on the phone.  Now I am really anxious.  

  Is there an area of my life where I’m having trouble moving forward? How might cultivating hope open a pathway for me? Am I having trouble moving forward?  That I am not sure of.  

Well as you can see this is my last journal prompt on November 25. OMG! There is only a month until Christmas.