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When I think about all the colors of the rainbow, I always go back to yellow.  It always boosts my  positivity because it is so bright and cheerful.  It was my favorite color when I was about 3 years old.  I guess the color boosts my positivity as well as self-esteem when I was three.  It was probably why I was so positive when I was about 3 to about 10 years old.  When I was about 5, my dad built me a yellow bike.  I called it my yellow porsche.  It was in the late 70's and of course it had a banana seat.   When I was three years old I told my mom I wanted a yellow porsche, a white cat and yellow house. I probably said it in this form "I will get a white cat, yellow porche and a yellow house."   Well, I got the white cat. I never got the yellow porsche or the house.     So yeah, I do like yellow a little bit but more of a sunflower yellow!!!   

Last night I dreamed I had a visitor.  It was granmaw.  She sent me a message.  She sent message that you can live in your own apartment so just go for it.  But then again no one knows that there is a money shortage in this day and age.  I do have an affirmation that I say and it's about money, but not sure that it can be true.  It is impossible to even think that.  Yeah, but I love affirmations.  But it is impossible to think because it is all in the mind.  I guess if I really believe in those affirmations and really love them, I can make those things come true.  Then Jason can really be jealous.  He says he isn't jealous but in reality he is somewhat jealous of me.  

Jason said that Goodwill is hiring?   Bullshit!!!  I call bullshit!!! They would probably make me anxious anyway. 

I have a question.  Why do I cry for no reason? or even why do I feel like crying for no reason?  How do I get the hell over it?  Because then if someone sees me and asks me why I have tears in my eyes I can't answer because I don't know the reason.   I think it could be menopause and yes, I can't forget anxiety. Women living with anxiety disorders is much worse for women going through menopause. 10 times worse. 

What is your happiest memory? My happiest memory is between spending the night with my granmaw when I was about 3 years old or spending the day with Nana--my dad's step-mother and taking care of and playing with her kittens. My earliest memory was when I spent the night with my granmaw at 3 years old.  Why did I think I suggested  we play Bert and Earney---is because Granmaw had to twin beds in her blue room.  The walls were painted blue.  I remember Granmaw would read a book before she went to sleep.  I think she would read to me when I was 3 but not real sure.     101 Gratitude Journal Prompts for Daily Thankfulness - Happier Human

I have a Gratitude page on Facebook.  I might have had this page since 2014 or 2015.  I think I remember creating it in 2014 though.  Here is my Gratitude page on Facebook:  (20+) Gratitude | Beaumont CA | Facebook .  I know it says Beaumont CA, but it's my page.  It is the one with the Positive Zone, No negativity allowed cover picture, it's pink and blue.   I need to know what I am doing that I piss people off on the internet?  Jason tells me that I piss people off on the internet and they get me back by hacking my bank account.  I don't know what to do or say about this.  What do I do?  I guess I will just learn to live with Jason and work around him.   I'm about to beat the shot out of Jason. Now he's saying that I don't deserve happiness because he is not happy. 

I am still stuck in a place where I can't do anything at all!!!  If I want to do something, I have to go into court.  Yeah, but someone will try anything at all to change my mind.  Yeah, but I will have to go into court at some point to change my money situation.  Well that was what she was talking about in that video in the law of attraction.  Let me find that video.  Here is the video:   https://youtube.com/shorts/5mI0FeK65Kc?feature=share