My Blog

When I was walking with weights with Paula b fitness on YouTube, well--- I don't know if it was an anxiety attack but I felt like my feet were slipping out from under me and I felt like I was going to die. Does that sound like an anxiety attack?  

I am noticing that I can speak easier but with a mask on.  There is only one problem.  No one can hear or understand what I am saying as I have a mask on.       

I voted for Trump but a little bit of me is hoping Biden will win. Trump has a plan but does Biden? Biden does not have a plan. Trump did more than the other past presidents did! That is why I voted for Trump. There is that anxiety whipping my ass! :'(  That SM (anxiety) is through the roof right now! 😢😢😢 A bit later I had another panic attack or anxiety attack or whatever you call it.  Well something popped up on my computer about a 39-year-old woman who got struck by a train.  Well I clicked on it and guess what. It triggered a panic attack.   My biggest fear is being in a car and the train hits the car when it is stopped at a red light in the middle of the train tracks.  :'(  I just want to burst into tears after I get the hell out of the car and run like hell with whoever is with me.  :'(     

I dreamed that went to college in Florida and it was incredibly difficult and challenging for me but I liked it because i never would give up.  I woke up to go pee and thought damn! I'm too old to travel now. No actually I may be either too young or no money as no one understands Selective Mutism quite yet. When people do start to understand Selective Mutism I will be dead! I 😢😢😢 No matter how much weight we all lose, I think people will always consider me overweight in the past because I was overweight for most of my life. Well I was skinny in my 20's but that was because I starved myself. Then in my 30's, I started gaining this big huge pot belly because I was leaning back as I walk. When I started meditation, I started noticing how I was walking. I was walking with a bend back and my belly out. That is not good when I start doing that!!! :'(

 I injured my right foot on the bottom of my foot.  I swear to god I listened to a meditation for pain and by the end of the meditation, the pain in my bottom of my foot just about went away.  It still hurts from time to time but it doesn't hurt that much now.  After my run or power walk, my ankles, my knees, and my toes are going crazy popping. lol!  I guess because air gets in somewhere and pop!  I would like to think I ate Rice Krispies as a kid in the 80's.  LMAO!   When I get down to my goal weight, I would like to sign up for a walk/run.  I want the run or walk to be a safe place to run or walk.  The question is how much does a run or a walk cost to sign up?  

I had a dream that I was controlling my anger and anxiety/panic attacks and I woke up and everything went back to normal.  Of course, I heard my dog barking.  It turns out that she wanted water and her treat before her dry dog food.   

I voted for.... I'm not telling who I voted for. Whoever wins is who I voted for.  Right?