My Blog

Today I had a panic attack getting out of the shower.  I could not breathe.  I felt like I was going to die. My legs were like jelly. I was trembling and shaky.    I don't know what caused the panic attack.  This reminds me of the time when I was about 3 years old and I was spending the night with my grandmother.  I knew that panic and anxiety attack existed but did not know that it could happen to anyone.  I didn't even know what it was when I was 3 years old.  Here is my theory.  When I first learned about death and dying, I can't remember who from.  I guess my grampaw (yes I misspelled it) from dad's side of the family. which was My dad's father?  I guess grampaw James died when I was 6?  I was probably afraid of death and dying ever since then.  I will be writing more here later.  

When I tuned in it was just Donnie Wahlberg. :)  

I went to the  WW virtual 10:00 meeting by myself and Tamara congratulated me. I don't know what they thought when they heard me speak as they have never heard me speak before.  They are not yet back at the WW building.  Probably by next month.  I wouldn't be too surprised if I develop agoraphobia.  The whole time throughout the virtual meeting I was anxious.  Any idea why?  :'(  

Today I listened to two Kino McGregor meditations on youtube.  Well I was moving around on the first one and so I listened to a second one and perfect.  It was just a few minutes ago and I can't remember what meditation it was. :(  

I did planks for abs work today and now I am soaking my arms and my hips. I also did a deep hip stretch and man did they hurt but at the same time it feels good after yoga for hips.  Bathtub tweets are the best!  👍 I was also feeling really low mood once I did yoga, my mood and anxiety went from 1 to about a 4 or 5.  But it is now about at about a 4. 1 was the lowest mood and 10 was about the best mood.  Mine was about a 4.  

Well, It's just two hours away from Wednesday morning. I am feeling a bit off. I did my yoga and meditation.  I am sticking to meditation and the essential oils like glue!  Like I'm rubber you're glue... what sticks me.....  oh shoot how does it go?   I heard that all through my childhood. Well at least in grade school.  LOL!  

Hey. I read something in the cafe that someone else had written about their SM. I thought that is me also!   It is that  I feel like it's an embarrassment or something that I can't tell someone what I want or like I'm afraid to have my own feelings or something similar to that.  Or I feel like it's an embarrassment to have my own feelings.  Anyway, People should learn to listen more to individuals with Selective Mutism.  Yeah, I know us with SM should talk more. lol   Remember this: we SMers are the only ones that can joke about us with SM.