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Well, It's just two hours away from Wednesday morning. I am feeling a bit off. I did my yoga and meditation.  I am sticking to meditation and the essential oils like glue!  Like I'm rubber you're glue... what sticks me.....  oh shoot how does it go?   I heard that all through my childhood. Well at least in grade school.  LOL!  

Hey. I read something in the cafe that someone else had written about their SM. I thought that is me also!   It is that  I feel like it's an embarrassment or something that I can't tell someone what I want or like I'm afraid to have my own feelings or something similar to that.  Or I feel like it's an embarrassment to have my own feelings.  Anyway, People should learn to listen more to individuals with Selective Mutism.  Yeah, I know us with SM should talk more. lol   Remember this: we SMers are the only ones that can joke about us with SM.  

This social distancing is going to go on for about a year I think. I'm sorry. So how does it feel to have to socially distance? I am used to it as I have Selective Mutism. Why? It's because the anxiety is so crippling that I have to distance myself into my room or area sometimes. But this social distancing is just taking it up a notch and making me so scared that I can't leave the house. I have to push myself out of the house. I put a leash on Jordan and take her to the mailbox to check the mail. Mail?! ahhhh Then I think CORONAVIRUS!!! I immediately go back in and wash my hands after handling the mail. But then again, they do wear gloves.

I think I have agoraphobia.  I don't want to leave the house.  I went for a walk with my dog once or twice. Maybe it will get better once the coronavirus goes away.   I bought this at Walmart before the Coronavirus. I am still looking for a chain to go with it.  I looked on the micheal's craft store website and they have curbside pick up but need to have a credit card to buy on their website.  That means getting out in the area where the little coronavirus are and getting the covid-19. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  There is one in a million chances one will get the coronavirus.  Then every time I touch something, there is a little voice screaming out, "Coronavirus!"  I just had an anxiety attack or that is what it felt like.  I felt like I was going to die. Well I'm drinking warm milk right now. I wish this whole thing would just go away!    

I couldn't write it in this blog so I typed it in google docs.  Here is the link:   https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lzQ3Vy_TRuOMFsGB-Degyqgg4urda6NyN-xaUhV3pOU/edit?usp=sharing I had to meditate three times today.  I could not get myself focused. :'(  When I finally get my shit together, I will probably be dead or the world will probably end.  :'(  

This is just an easy and simple question.  What is more calming to you? 1) Looking at your pet or meditation? looking at my dog. 2) Looking at your pet or eating comfort foods?  It varies. 3) Watching tv or listening to meditation?  listening to meditation. 4) Eating comfort foods or Watching TV?  comfort foods.  It depends on what I'm watching on TV. Animal planet is calming to watch. Especially the show "Too Cute!" 5) Doing crossword puzzles or coloring?  Coloring.   Here is a clean copy below:  1) Looking at your pet or meditation? 2) Looking at your pet or eating comfort foods? 3) Watching tv or listening to meditation? 4) Eating comfort foods or Watching TV? 5) Doing crossword puzzles or coloring?

Yesterday I cleaned out my closet in the kitchen.  Today is Mother's day and I cleaned out my closet in my room and my dog Jordan's area where her bed is.  Tomorrow I think I will move my plant stand in the kitchen for my plants to get the evening sun, but I'm not sure yet.   Today is the anniversary of Misty's kittens, the grey and white cat which was born during Hurrican Ike in 2008.  There were two litters of kittens by two different cats, simultaneously!  Misty's kittens were born under a bush in our backyard and Katie's kittens were born in the front yard then she moved them to the neighbor's yard and then I had to help Katie find her kittens.  One of Misty's kittens I had kept and named after Donnie Wahlberg from NKOTB.  Then in October 2014, my all grey tabby, Donnie got bit by a snake and died on my parent's kitchen floor.  Poor baby boy. :'(  He was such a sweet cat.  I loved him so much!   I told myself in 2009, ...