Thursday March 12, 2026 | Journal Prompt | A Year of Gratitude | 365 Thankful Writing Prompts

Thursday March 12, 2026 | selective mutism | severe anxiety disorder | sensitive nervous system | mold and mildew old house

This is what I found from Copilot. I will not believe this until a doctor or mental health professional actually confirms it. If this true, I need and want to get the heck out of dodge! The problem is that I don't have enough money to dodge this house! And because my nervous system works differently, It may be creating more intense anxiety symptoms on top of selective mutism. Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak, is unable to speak in specific situations or to specific people. I will say this over and over and over until people get it through their thick skulls! I do want to speak.

Also I need someone to shut up if they don't understand a severe anxiety disorder--selective mutism. Really all this is my fault for moving into this house. I should not have agreed to move in this house since I have an already existing anxiety disorder called selective mutism for 40+ years and a sensitive nervous system. If I could, I would have someone buy this house as is who buys old houses just to tear it down and build a mini mansion. I know I couldn't afford a mini mansion. I have an already existing anxiety disorder plus worsening anxiety from I don't know what is causing it. I want to leave this house more than anything and I can't work on myself and this sheer hell anxiety disorder called selective mutism if I am still in this house! I will move out of this house either with them or without them! I just hope that I am alive when I do leave this house!

I feel that I need to meditate twice daily if not meditating more plus my breathing exercises. 4, 6, 7 meditation works wonders. I feel the need to do that about every 5 or 10 minutes. I will just keep doing this as I will be in this house for a few more years until my dad says he is ready to move. :'( He will never be ready to move because he is so used to this house. Sometimes I think that my dad has ADHD and or mild autism and that is where I probably got it from. I think it's probably too late now since he is almost 82--my dad will be 82 next month on April 10. I really believe that if a parent has ADHD and or mild autism it is possible for a child to have mild autism. I am not sure I have ADHD, but as far as I know I don't have ADHD. I suppose it could be possible for me to have ADHD and mild autism. Still, I am not sure. ADHD is a talking a lot thing and autism is a loud noise thing? I do believe that there is something more than those two things.

Wednesday March 11, 2026 | Decisions and worrying about if I am unable to make decisions

 Have you ever been betrayed?  How did this experience effect your future decision making?

I don't ever have to worry about making a decision because other people will do that for me.  It's kind of nice not having to make a decision.   I really want to learn to make decisions.  To make decisions regarding this house, I am unable to do.  I have never had a house or apartment of my own.  Well I had an apartment for three years but it felt like my parents apartment more than it was mine.  My mom kept making all the rules and boundaries while I was living there.  She kept saying don't let Jason move in with you.  I kept thinking why not?  Then I lost that apartment and all the privileges that come with it.  If I knew what I did, then I would avoid doing that again to get kicked out.  The thing I know for sure is that some old pervert tried to take advantage of me.  I would have handled my own laundry and my granmaw's laundry.  But he kept pestering me an pestering me until I gave in.  Ugh!  And here is where I try to guess what else I did.  Ugh okay, damaging the property equipment at the complex and getting angry all the time.  Actually I don't want to use anger in this.  What would I have to be angry about?  I wasn't even angry.  It was my granmaw that was dying in the hospital and I was really anxious about that.  Why would I be angry.  It is the part that people said that I was angry that made me angry.  Now I can't ever live in another apartment by myself again because of that.   If I forgot anything else, I'm sorry.  

Tuesday March 10, 2026 | Boundaries for people who push, rush or don't understand SM freeze response

🧊Boundaries for People Who Push, Rush, or Don’t Understand Freeze

These are firmer, for people who bulldoze your limits.

• “When I freeze, I cannot speak. Pressuring me makes it worse.”

• “If you push me during a freeze, I will step away completely.”

• “I need space when I’m overwhelmed. That’s not optional.”

• “I won’t stay in conversations where my nervous system is ignored.”

These protect you from people who treat your freeze like a choice.

I need to step away for a moment and reset my nervous system.

I am unable to talk right now. Please let me reset.  

Monday March 9, 2026 | How comfortable do you feel about expressing your needs to others?

Not comfortable.  And people would tell me that I can't do anything for myself just because I am unable to speak.  No thank you.  People will laugh at me and tell me that it is unsafe to do that and that will make me even more uncomfortable.  Then there is something called "immature" or "childish" behaviors that Jason and his mother Doni seems to think that I have. ugh!  They can't seem to explain themselves about what childish behaviors that I seem to do.  One of them is and this is a big one, "I am going to hurt you".  But that is only about Jason!  I swear.  I would kick his butt and put his butt in the hospital!  Are "childish" behaviors a symptom of autism?  

Sunday March 8, 2026 | When have you been most proud of yourself?

When I spoke and read something aloud to my English teacher in the 9th grade.  I had struggled to speak at school from preschool to I'm guessing about the 12th grade.  Kids have bullied me from kindergarten up until I graduated from high school.  They have called me names and said that I did things that seemed like it was off the wall stuff like going all the way on the first date.  Really?  I would never do that even if I didn't have selective mutism.  So Jennifer got Robin to act as my bodyguard.  That is what I all I knew.  

I can say this over and over and over, I may have selective mutism but I am certainly not stupid!  

Friday March 6, 2026 | Journal Prompt | What do you most appreciate about your current life stage?

I never really got to experience any life stages other than my first period, living on my own for 3 years.  Until they found out that I was sexually active with Jason when I was in my 30's.  That is what Jason seems to think.  And I believe him?  The short answer is no.  The current life stage is perimenopause.  People say that there are no symptoms of menopause other than hot flashes and night sweats and a woman losing her period.  I guess people have decided that I didn't have any problems with perimenopause.  But because peri and menopause is so personal, people just don't want to talk about it to anyone because it is embarrassing to talk about.  Right?