Wednesday March 11, 2026 | Decisions and worrying about if I am unable to make decisions

 Have you ever been betrayed?  How did this experience effect your future decision making?

I don't ever have to worry about making a decision because other people will do that for me.  It's kind of nice not having to make a decision.   I really want to learn to make decisions.  To make decisions regarding this house, I am unable to do.  I have never had a house or apartment of my own.  Well I had an apartment for three years but it felt like my parents apartment more than it was mine.  My mom kept making all the rules and boundaries while I was living there.  She kept saying don't let Jason move in with you.  I kept thinking why not?  Then I lost that apartment and all the privileges that come with it.  If I knew what I did, then I would avoid doing that again to get kicked out.  The thing I know for sure is that some old pervert tried to take advantage of me.  I would have handled my own laundry and my granmaw's laundry.  But he kept pestering me an pestering me until I gave in.  Ugh!  And here is where I try to guess what else I did.  Ugh okay, damaging the property equipment at the complex and getting angry all the time.  Actually I don't want to use anger in this.  What would I have to be angry about?  I wasn't even angry.  It was my granmaw that was dying in the hospital and I was really anxious about that.  Why would I be angry.  It is the part that people said that I was angry that made me angry.  Now I can't ever live in another apartment by myself again because of that.   If I forgot anything else, I'm sorry.