Saturday September 20, 2025 | What does success mean to you?

My success is very important to me and it means more to me than people give me credit for.  It is important for me to get a job no.  What I would really like to do is work from home.  Blogging and making videos with tips and tricks how I am coping with selective mutism.  Journaling, cuddling my dog, watching youtube videos, making bracelets (except I can't afford the stuff to make any right now because I keep spending too much money on other crap. making bracelet come last on my list to pay for things.)  More importantly, bills are more important to pay for first!  But where is that money all going?  It's going to 300 dollars worth of groceries every two weeks.  Maybe I should be going to the store every month?  I think that is best thing for me to do is to go to the store every month.  I have to make that money last a whole month.  I can't be spending money on stupid stuff.  Like for starters, that stupid insurance.  Let me just say that insurance is roughly about 700.00 dollars?  That insurance is expensive!  

The next thing I would like to do is get an apartment and I know the rules now.  Do not let any guy spend the night in your apartment.  There should only be one person in my apartment and that would be me.  No guys.  I have learned my lesson now.  No allowing anyone to spend the night. No distroying the apartment's property.  Anything else?  No running down the hallway.  Anything else?  

I would love to get out there and blog for a living but I don't know if anyone would want to read my stuff.  I know who would end up paying or taking care of everything in the end and my parents just don't want to go through the hassle.  My mother would end up revamping my blogs just to make sure it made a little more sense after I wrote my blogs out the first time around. (is this the anxiety talking with me or not really?)  Yes, it would all be just a hassle.  

The keyword here and more is helicopter parents.  I don't care if they deny that but it is still called helicopter parents.  It doesn't matter where I heard that term first.  No Jason did not say that to me!  I was watching a youtube video of someone who is in her 30's and moved back in with her parents.  At first I denied that term of  "helicopter parent" too.  Okay I think too much.  I am wondering..... how in the hell did she get passed her mother to make her youtube channel about $5.00 dollars a month to join. This woman's mother pays her bills and takes care of her money just like some people I know.  I think all parents want to take control of their adult children just to protect them and make sure they have a nice place to live.  

What I do want to know is... is this an anxiety post or is it just a negative blog post?   Sh*t!  What do know is that I am comparing myself to others.  I don't think I should do that.  Well I have no other words left so I'm going to stop here.