Thursday April 3, 2025 | self-harm

This was all on Wednesday night and I typed it into my phone at 12 midnight laying in my bed.  

I put my foot in my mouth. Meaning I opened my mouth and inserted my foot. I said that YouTubers all go on YouTube just to basically say that they have autism for money and fame. Well except for one and it's fatheringautism I know that he's truthful because abby has severe autism. She's non-verbal. 

Then someone hijacked my computer and locked up the keyboard, the mouse, and the whole dam computer. I had to press the button on the power strip on the floor. I bet they got an error message or the "blue screen of death" when I pressed the button on the power strip on the floor. Ha ha! So I called them a turd head because they hijacked my computer. I was pissed 😡

But that is not what made me self harm.  What caused me to do that was my father. He said I was harassing the cat when I really wasn't. I was just sitting waiting for Nicki Rose to come back in from going to pee. Can triggered and anger mean the same thing?  I know quite a few people that will think that being triggered is being really angry. That is probably what made me self harm.  Just like AJ when he threw me out like a sack of garbage!  I believe what really triggers me is that someone says something that I supposely did that I didn't do.  When one of my aunts went over to Lucky-Love to pet her, Lucky-Love bit her. It wasn't hard.  But still she bit her.  No cat should ever bite a person when they are trying to pet them.  Apparently my mom and dad no nothing about cats or dogs!  It's all brain work.  Just because my brain works differently, they have to kick me to the curb basically!  I feel like crying but I look angry when I cry!!! So I stopped that sh**!!!  

I have a question ❓ well I have selective mutism and autiory processing to work with that I know I have. Like do people with sm make weird facial expressions or movements as to soothe themselves or is this lip-farting the way sm people use to soothe themselves?  

After all that on Thursday I went on Youtube and found a virtual running 5K with Pahla B and I ran and I ran and I ran until I hurt myself.   It is just something about doing exercises or running to make pleasure and pain more enjoyable!!!  That didn't make any sense but oh well... I don't think it's supposed to make any sense really?  

Most people will say that I will be much happier when I realize that it was anger.  And this was a thought that I had that other people will say.   The real deal is I will be much happier believing that I was triggered and  people know it too.  People just don't want to admit it!!!