Friday March 28, 2025 | This was a lot of shit that got built up and was waiting to get out somehow!!!

I know exactly what had been bothering me.  It wasn't until I came across a video of a 50 to 55 year old in menopause and she's juggling menpause too.  Bottom line is that she wanted to experience things she's never has experienced.  That is what is really bothering me because she got me thinking that I have have never experienced things that other nice good people have experienced.  I want to experience a lot of things that I have never experienced but the problem with that is the court wants me to stay here in my city of Beaumont Texas.  I cannot leave for anything.  The court just wants me to be safe.  I remember going to court back in 1993 and again back 1997 to fix it all back up again. What they said in court both times is kind of foggy but I do remember going to court though so mom and dad could be able to take care of me.  That is one thing that I remember from the documents from court.  I am very high maintence I shall say!   Yeah, because of that or those two court dates I'm confused about what I can do and what I cannot do.    

Yeah  a video on youtube triggered this blog entry.  I don't know if it was triggered or not, honestly I don't know.  I guess other people worry about my future.  It's just that people don't think that I even know how to worry about my future because I honestly know know how to worry about my future.  Where will I be be in 5 years or 10 years?     I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that this video triggered me to worrying about my future.  Like I said, I don't know how to worry about my future.    I think this is probably a bad thing.    Let me see if I can find it.  I feel like my dream has already died a looonnnng time ago!   I would say my first dream was when I was about 13 when I wanted to be an actress.  My mom didn't think that it was age appropriate for me to be doing that.  Now that I'm 51?  I don't think it's age appropriate anymore since I'm too old.  At first I was way too young and now I am way too old.  ugh!  I guess she just wanted me to forget all about it.  Am I in a midlife crisis or something?  Or maybe it's not.  I don't know what is a midlife crisis?  My mom would think that a midlife crisis is that someone bought a little sports car.   Or in my case, it would be that I moved out of the state of Texas.  Now that would be stupid thing that I would do or as Jason would tell me!  ugh!  Jason would tell me that I would not survive out there long enough in the real world.  Jason would tell me that would be under a freeway or something!