Wednesday May 11, 2022 | screw this.

Does anyone else know how to tell a story without leaving stuff out? I don't know how to tell a story. Then I leave things out and people wonder what the hell I'm talking about because they don't know the whole story.  Maybe that is why he dumbed me because I do not know how to tell a story and I leave stuff out and he wonders what the hell I'm talking about. It's not that I do not know how it is because I was never taught. Or not that was ever taught. I was taught everything--at least they tried to teach me everything they knew.  I would not listen. I just kept on doing my own things and not listening to everyone else.  I wish I had listened back when I was young and not listening to what other people say to me now. because I would know how to do all these things. Like talk without leaving things out.  I think that is part of either selective mutism or autism.  I really think that I have autism but a mild form of it.  I really think that I have high-functioning autism because I have found everything challenging and I struggle at times!!!  What do you think?  I guess it doesn't really mean anything. It just means that I need to work harder than everyone else really.  Yeah, I do really think that I have high functioning autism which means that I can do everything anyone else can, but I just struggle a little bit?  

Can I do these things:

1.) Buy a house or get an apartment?

2.) Yes, I can do daily chore tasks around the house. It just takes me a little bit to do them because I want to get it perfect. Yeah, I think everyone struggles like that?  

I guess I can't buy a house or get an apartment. I do struggle with doing chores around the house but who doesn't struggle with that?  Everyone struggles with doing housework really?  I really struggle with making friends. I make friends then they decide to dump my ass and that is it. Mom doesn't really want me to talking to friends even the ones I can speak to just be in this house forever! Well I can go out to Walmart, or Kroger or anywhere else and speak there but that's it but I would just have to speak with just family and then be quiet so they could talk about other things that are just stressing them out at work. UGH!  They should never get angry or stressed out at work anyway.  And they really shouldn't bring it home either.  Most of all people should always let that shit go!!!  Hey, I'll let that shit go if Karin and Lisa let that shit go!!! ugh!!!  I am really tired of them bitching about their work problems to mom.  They should just leave that shit at work!  I try not listen but it makes me anxious and stresses me out! 

I can go for walks with Nicki but I can't really talk to strangers. Strangers are a "no, no".  I remember that one time at the apartment I lived at with my parents when me and my sister were younger. Me and my childhood friend saw a car pull in the driveway at Longfellow apartments.  We just learned about strangers and we thought that those people in that car were coming to get us.  We were scared so we ran as fast as we could in our apartments that we were living in.  

I also don't tell the whole story.  I leave out parts of the story because I forget parts of the story.  So shoot me.  Everyone forgets things big damn deal!!! Get over yourself!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!  

I am better off alone if someone is going to judge me and make fun of me and leave me lonely!  Just forget it!  I will just stay in this house forever and not go anywhere but shopping.  Maybe I shouldn't be having any best friends for now since they will just give up on me or leave me.  :'(