Thursday September 16, 2021 | mental health means more to me that anything else

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I just want to let you know that I care about my mental and physical health. I also care about other people's mental and physical health.  So how much does he love me?  What is he willing to do for me?  He is willing to walk about 500 miles from Indiana to Texas.  Actually, I don't know how many miles it is. I don't know that math, sorry.  

I'm not done talking yet.  

I keep having panic attacks about mother finding out.  I gave him my address as he wanted to send me something.  Jason thought that something was going to happen.  Nope nothing happened.  I love him to pieces.  I don't like to say the word death.  I just don't like it. It scares the shit out of me.  All this may not make any sense and it may be out of (what is the word I am looking for)  Please help me out here.  

I'm sorry, I have to talk about this but why the hell does a woman's period cause a woman cry unexpectedly?  I have never been able to figure that one out.  In fact, it was the first time I have ever noticed me crying unexpectedly like that.  Since I have been doing meditation, I have been more focused.  Maybe even on what I want.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am starting to love him more and more each day that we are on cam.  I miss him every time I am off cam.  Does he feel the same?  Not sure.  Okay, answer this.  Why do I get the shakes and he makes me smile and he makes me feel good about myself?  Well aside from last night, that was just that time of month. but the rest of the days he makes me smile?    

OMG!  If I think having a period is bad, then just imagine what menopause will feel like.  I have heard all the horror stories with menopause.  Periods are far worse for a woman with an anxiety disorder. I read in book about periods for a woman somewhere.  I can't remember where though.  I can only imagine what menopause will feel like and that is only causing me to have panic attacks.  :'(  

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