September 1, 2021 | My feelings for AJ

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Come on how does he really feel about me?  I want to know.  :)  Does he realize that I will really get into trouble with my mom and dad?  If I do anything I will still have to ask my mom and dad.  And if their anxiety doesn't like it then I can't do it and that is the end of that.  :'(  It doesn't matter with my anxiety and my feelings and me.  I really don't matter at all.  :'(   

OMG!  I just ran a 10 minute run with Pahla B Fitness on YouTube!!!!  That definitely felt GREAT!!!!  I feel GREAT!!!!   Like a said in past blogs..... if I didn't think I was going to lose internet connection I would take that workout to the park and listen as I run with her.  Plus I am really afraid of being caught again by the police again with another older lady that might call the cops on me without me even trying to explain my Selective Mutism.  I know how to explain Selective Mutism now as I know more about it.  

You know who inspires me to be brave and be me--- is AJ. I'm not telling anyone where I originally met AJ. Well originally I went on that site for a best friend.   My relatives would have a panic attack. Just until recently have fallen hard for him. First I saw his eyes.  Then went straight to his personality. He is sweet. I love (man this is really hard for me)  I knew that loved him but I was too shy to admit it when we met about 10 years ago.  Oh if I could date AJ, I totally would!  Oh did I mention that before in a recent blog?  Did he say does yoga and meditation?  AJ said he got me into meditation.  Well one day I was just messing around and looking at google play apps and I found a lot of meditations on google play.  I found one called anger management and it had a big smiley face on it---I know it can't be missed.  I did that one meditation right then and there and I loved it.  From then on I started finding other meditations on google play.  I wonder if it would be okay if I met him if someone I trusted and could speak to freely to come with me?   Risking their safety would be asking a lot.  Nothing will happen I swear to god!  I can only speak to him if we were alone.  Oh come on nothing would happen. I'm ready to take that risk.  

What does Jason say about all this? Who the F cares?  I'm sorry, for the cursing but I'm just sick of the negativity!  I was just ready to speak up for myself.  Yeah, I know, such language coming from a um.... sweet lady such as myself.  



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