Saturday September 11, 2021 | Me and Selective Mutism

Today at when we went to breakfast, somehow I brought up the topic of AJ.  Sure they are judging him.  I listen to people and use good judgment.  Yes, and my face got really red!  As red as my shirt that I was literally that was wearing!!!   My aunt, sister and my mom were quick to judge AJ.  Do they think that AJ will use my SM to do anything he wants with me. I just thought of it?  Do they think AJ will take Advantage of me and me having Selective Mutism?  No! He won't do that.  NO!  I don't think I need to worry about that.  

Then my sister asked who do I want to live with when mom and dad pass.  I was quick to answer, I DO NOT want to live with either my sister or my aunt!   I wanted to cry right then and there.  I did later on today.  

And why is my aunt is sniffing around him! Do you know what I mean to say?  

He's mine and only mine!  Who cares about the age difference of 10 years younger than me?    I love all this attention!!!!!  I REALLY WANT to take this risk!!!   I know that having Selective Mutism makes me a bit vulnerable and gullible!  People with Selective Mutism have a great vocabulary!  But why won't people listen to us? (and yes, there are more people like me out there but I'm different. I can't do anything because of my selective mutism and people think that I'm so vulnerable. :'(  I HATE being vulnerable. I really do!!!

And you know what I really don't like this guardianship but kinda have to agree with mom and dad on this one that I can't really speak up for myself. Or maybe Jason said that?  I can't remember.  :'(  

I know what my mom is thinking.... Why can't he find some other girl to play with?  Yes, I got that from a made for tv movie that I watched back in 1995.  oh by the way, I think it was 1996. Oh whatever.... anyway.....   No!  I want him.  He understands me.  He says that I changed the way he was before.  And I love him.  :)         

I hate that money that is stash away that can't get to.  Why do I even have that money if I can't spend it on what I need?   Screw the stuff on what I want.  I'm talking about the stuff I need!!!!          

Confession time.....   I tried to get AJ out of my head but I could not.  Then I was hoping he would message me again. Yes, he did.  I so missed him when he left and stopped talking to me.  :'(