Sunday February 7, 2021 | Remembering when I was three years old

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I have been terrified of dying since I was about three years old and that was about in 1978. What did that mean? I am 47 and still afraid. What does that mean?  I remember when I was three and I was spending the night with my grandmother.  I believe it was a panic attack about death and dying. I don't know where I learned about death and dying when I was three. My little three-year-old heart was going 90 miles an hour. :'(  I was scared I did not know what to do and I could not speak to tell someone.  :'(  I wanted to tell someone but I literally could not.  I am getting scared all over again.  :'(  


That's it! I believe that is what triggered my Selective Mutism!  I swear to god!  I don't know what else would trigger it but death and dying.  Who would even talk about death and dying in front of me?  I think it was my dad's dad that died when I was about three, or some kid talked about it when I was in preschool and I overheard.   

I guess what I just typed in the second paragraph was a little bizarre or weird.  I think I come out as unreal. :'(     That is what people are going to think.  Well, there is nothing I can do about it now. It is in the past.  But what can I do?  People think that I'm unreal and a liar. Well, at least Jason thinks so.  :'(         





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