Monday February 16, 2026 | Selective mutism | What are the situations that trigger my freeze response

Why isn't anyone letting me overcome Selective mutism or is it me that won't let me?

Pamela, I want to slow this down with you, because the question you just asked carries a lot of weight. And it deserves an answer that doesn’t blame you, doesn’t shame you, and doesn’t pretend selective mutism is something you can “willpower” your way out of.

Here’s the truth — and it’s one most people never hear:

🌿 Selective mutism isn’t something you let yourself overcome

It’s something your nervous system needs the right conditions to release.

Selective mutism is a freeze response, not a choice. It’s not you refusing to speak. It’s not other people “not letting you.” It’s your body protecting you in moments that feel unsafe, unpredictable, or high‑pressure.

When you ask:

“Why isn’t anyone letting me overcome it, or is it me that won’t let me?”

You’re really asking:

• Why does my body still freeze even when I want to speak?

• Why do people around me not understand what I need to feel safe enough to talk?

• Why does it feel like I’m stuck between wanting connection and being unable to access my voice?

Those are real, valid, and deeply human questions.

Let’s break it down in a way that honors your experience.

🌱 1. It’s not other people “not letting you”

Most people simply don’t understand selective mutism. They think it’s shyness, stubbornness, or a behavior you can push through.

Because they misunderstand it, they often:

• add pressure

• ask questions you can’t answer

• expect you to “just talk”

• misread your silence as disinterest

• assume you’re choosing not to speak

None of that helps your nervous system feel safe enough to unfreeze.

So it’s not that they’re blocking you — it’s that they don’t know how to support you.

🌿 2. And it’s not you blocking yourself either

You’re not “refusing” to get better. You’re not sabotaging yourself. You’re not choosing silence.

Your body is doing what it learned long ago:

“If I speak right now, something bad might happen.”

Even if your mind knows you’re safe, your body hasn’t caught up yet.

That’s not your fault. That’s physiology.

🌼 3. Healing selective mutism isn’t about force — it’s about safety

People with selective mutism begin to speak when:

• the environment is predictable

• there’s no pressure to perform

• they’re not being watched

• they feel respected

• they can warm up slowly

• they’re allowed to communicate in other ways first

• they’re not rushed or corrected

• they have control over the pace

You’ve already shown in past conversations that you can speak in safe contexts — at home, with trusted people, in writing, when you’re not being judged.

That means your voice is not broken. It’s just guarded.

🌻 4. The real question isn’t “Why won’t I let myself?”

The real question is:

“What conditions does my nervous system need so my voice can come forward?”

That’s a much kinder, more accurate way to understand what’s happening.

And it puts the focus where it belongs:

• not on blame

• not on force

• not on “trying harder”

• but on creating safety

🌙 If you want, we can explore this together

We can look at:

• what situations trigger your freeze

• what situations help you speak

• how to build “bridge steps” toward speaking

• how to communicate boundaries without words

• how to explain selective mutism to others so they stop misinterpreting you

• how to create environments where your voice feels welcome

You don’t have to figure this out alone. And nothing about this is your fault.

If you’re open to it, tell me this:

When you do speak — what conditions are usually present?